CONGRATS, DREAMYBURNS!

More details to come after I stop screaming and hopping up and down.

UPDATE:

So, this is for real?  The long-running rumors are true?  AWESOME.

NPR reports:

"Joe Mauer has become only the second catcher in 33 years to win the American League Most Valuable Player Award."

"The Minnesota Twins star was a near-unanimous winner in voting announced Monday by the Baseball Writers' Association of America, receiving 27 of 28 first-place votes and 387 points." 

"Jeter had 193 points while Detroit's Miguel Cabrera drew the other first-place vote and was fourth."

"After missing April with a back injury, Mauer homered in his first at-bat of the season and went on to lead the AL in batting average (.365), on-base percentage (.444) and slugging percentage (.587), the first AL player to top all three categories in the same season since George Brett in 1980."

"Mauer set a major league record for highest batting average by a catcher and won his third batting title, becoming the first repeat batting champion since Nomar Garciaparra in 1999-00."

"Mauer set career bests with 28 homers and 96 RBIs, had more walks (76) than strikeouts (63) and batted .378 after Morneau's season-ending back injury Sept. 12, helping the Twins overtake Detroit for the AL Central title. He was voted to his third All-Star team and won his second straight AL Gold Glove.

...

Mauer also won a Gold Glove and the Silver Slugger award this year. "

"He's got the whole package. He's an incredible athlete, with incredible leadership skills," said [former Twins pitcher Frank] Viola. "You don't even have to say anything to be a leader. That's just the way Joe is. You talk about anybody worthy of an MVP -- there's nobody more worthy than him."

It's been a while, hasn't it?

Over a month since the Twins played their last game of 2009, after winning the AL Central title during the most intense tie-breaker EVER, and then falling to the Yankees - a team that apparently could not be stopped this year.

Some SERIOUS BUSINESS has happened since that last game. Some good, some bad, some that we just don't know until the boys hit the field once more next year.

(By the way, according to my countdown on Dashboard, it's 4 months and 20 days until the boys play their first regular-season game. OHHH SNAP.)

So, here's the short version of what's happened since I took a break from baseball talk after my little heart was broken:

TWINS TRADE GOMEZ FOR HARDY:

In a move that at once broke my heart and made me thirst for blood, Carlos Gomez, or the only truly insane and consistently entertaining Twin, was traded in exchange for J.J. Hardy, the Brewer shortstop and apparent heartthrob of the team.  NO, THANK YOU.  

First of all, bye bye Orlando Cabrera; sorry you're being replaced by a dude that was sent down to Triple-A last year for sucking too hard.  Second, of all people in the outfield to be traded, why GoGo?  I mean, there are other Youthful and Outstanding players left in the oUtfield, but there's oNe that I'm goinG to have to say should've been sent elsewhere instead.  So, long story short: I'm bummed, but hopefully the formerly great Hardy will be worth it.

PEACE OUT CREDE, CABRERA, AND EVERYONE ELSE AWESOME:

Yes, Lady GoGo is gone, but it looks like the same for Crede and Cabrera, who turned into free agents.  Sure, Crede is good when his back isn't falling apart, but I guess I am convinced that he just is too big a risk to keep.  Cabrera ... man, that one sucks.  He helped SO much with our team, on the field and mentally with the other players.  Seeing him with Casilla and Gomez was such a great matchup, knowing that his veteran-ness was something the guys could look up to and try to emulate.

Other dudes under the risk of hitting the chopping block included Pavano, Cuddyer becoming a free agent after next year, Redmond, and Mahay.  Luckily (and smartly), the Twins picked up Cuddyer for some more time. Meanwhile, Gabino and Huber peaced out, one going to the Orioles and the other to Triple-A.  Also, Buscher was optioned to AAA.  

Oh, and Glen Perkins thankfully stopped his nonsense.  I love you Perk; don't do that again, okay?

WELCOME BACK, BABIES:

The coolest name on the team, Boof Bonser, and fellow pitchers Pat Neshek and my one true love Kevin Slowey, have come off the DL.  So excited; we need these guys pretty bad right now, and it's good to see they're all healed up.

Also, we added Juan Morillo to the team.  Whatever works!

JOE MAUER IS MADE OF GOLD, SILVER, AND UNICORN TAILS:

Obviously.  But seriously, Mauer added another Golden Glove and Silver Slugger award to his mantle, which is probably carved out of triceratops horn or something.

Rumor has it, and by rumor I mean my own dysfunctional brain, that JoeyBurns is also very likely to win the AL MVP.  Well, I can only hope, since there was a while last summer where he pretty much single-handedly took on every team we played when the rest of the Twins forgot who they were and what they were doing and thought they were hotdog vendors in the middle of games.  He's kind of awesome, the kind we need to keep around.

I DIDN'T GO TO THE MOVING SALE, EVEN THOUGH THE LINE REACHED ALL THE WAY TO MY HOUSE IN ST. CLOUD:

I was supposed to go to the Twins moving sale with one of my friends, but he texted me that morning and was like, "Um, dude, the line is insane."  Oh, and I also have no money because I'm graduated, awesome, jobless, and live with my parents.  Hey, slow down boys!  One at a time!

So those are pretty much the main things I noticed in the past month.  Other cool stuff I put off writing about until now:

A nice tribute to a craptacular building: This article thinks the only story you need to know about the dome is when that ball gut stuck in the ceiling in '84 and then Mickey Hatcher, trying to set up a prank where the ball would fall and he'd catch it for an "out," instead got nailed in the junk by it.  That's it; see ya, 'Dome!  But seriously, it's a good one.

Oh ... and more 'Dome love: Well, by "love" I mean calling it an "abomination."  So ... there's that.

Okay, guys, we get it: No one liked the 'Dome, except when it helped them out.  DUH.

Apparently I was the last person to know this: Redmond ... nude ... hilarious ... and yet my skin is crawling?  

A.J. and Bob Barker:  Okay, this was absolutely the most random thing ever.  I look up from whatever was on TV before this came on, and I see Bob Barker.  Alright.  And then ... A.J. PIERZYNSKI???

The usual year-end best-of BS: Mentions the awesomeosity of Joe Mauer, and the awesome suckosity of that one game against the A's.  Oh, and that terrifying bee-attack on the Padres. 

More (interesting) year-end BS: It was kind of a weird year, huh?

Peep these new unis!: Okay, not terribly different, but I like the new gray ones and the Inaugural 2010 patches.

And last, my new favorite Twins commercial (Span and Nathan kill it, especially Span's face and Nathan's "hi!"):

Alright, that's all, folks.  As more comes up in this already crazy off-season, I will write about it, promise.

And once again, I'm so proud of our boys this year and happy about their final surge of awesomeness at the end.  Next season can't come soon enough!

Wow. Rollercoaster, much? I think all Twins fans have been so up and down in the weeks leading up to Tuesday's tiebreaker that after it was over (HELLO, WIN!), the game against the Yankees Wednesday was almost unenjoyable.

Tigers @ Twins

1B: Cuddyer
2B: Punto
3B: Tolbert
SS: Cabrera
RF: Kubel
CF: Span
LF: Young
C: Mauer

DH: Morales
PITCHING: Baker

PRE-GAME:

I don't think there's really anything I can say right now that would properly describe my excitement and the feeling in general among Twins fans.

TOP OF 1st:

HERE WE GO! 

"He's very sneaky-fast," Baker that is, according to announcer dude.  #3 in the league?  NICE!

One out!

That crowd in the dome is NUTS.  And two outs!!

Lowest amount of walks in the league?  Oh man.  I love this team.

Thanks Kubel, for the third out!

BOTTOM OF 1st (0-0):

Looks like CJ Wilson has our back, too: (via Twitter)

12:08 AM Oct 5th from mobile web  

Ohhhh, yes.

Span lines one to 1st.  Aw.

Cabrera: "Latin Liason."  I think Gomez and Casilla can agree.

M-V-P!  M-V-P! MAUER HITS A DOUBLE!  M-V-P!  M-V-P!

Aw damn, three outs and no score.

TOP OF 2nd (0-0):

All this batting champ talk is making me swoon.  Oh, Mauer.

Frick, lead-off double by M. Cabrera.

Span grabs a fly by Guillen; Cabrera can't move up.  

Oh no, runners on the corners ...

SICK catch by Cabrera for the second out - runner's can't advance. AND HE GETS THE CATCH FOR THE THIRD OUT!!!!

BOTTOM OF 2nd (0-0):

Dude, these announcers are bragging up Cuddyer a LOT.  No errors since he moved to 1st, apparently.

DELLLMOOONNNNN!  Oh cute, he and Kubel were co-players of the week in the league last week!  Rightly so.

1-2-3.

TOP OF 3rd (0-0):

Span with another catch for an out.  DENARDED, FTW!

My God, I wish I was at that game right now.

WHAT?  Baker walks Granderson??

And the Tigers score.  There will be blood.

NO EFFING WAY.  2-RUN HOMER. 

Baker gets the last out, and we better do some serious damage this inning.

BOTTOM OF 3rd (0-3, Tigers):

Walk Tobert, Porcello.  I dare you.  Nope, but T gets an infield hit.  Hello, 1st base.

Hope someone can hit a double or better; Tolbert can tear through the bases.

OHHHH, SPAN!  Moves T to 2nd, takes 1st.  Getting Denarded?  Don't mind if we do.

Sac fly from Cabrera moves Tolbert to 3rd.  And here comes MVP ...

TOLBERT SCORES ON A WILD THROW!  But, sadly, nails 1st base coach Jerry White.  I'm sure he'll understand ... 3-1!  GO T!  SORRY, JERRY!

Mauer's walked.  Shite is hitting the fan, yo!

Aw, two left on base.

TOP OF 4th (1-3, Tigers):

Shake-N-Baker is looking a little ... spooked out there.  

Cuddy gets the first out in foul territory.  And a double play for the rest!!

BOTTOM OF 4th (1-3, Tigers):

Dear Delmon Young, 

I know you've been really good lately, and you even hit two homers on Sunday, but I think tonight is the time to definitely hit another one.  Preferably a grand slam.

Best wishes and Godspeed, AM Neubs.

Ugh, 1-2-3.

TOP OF 5th (1-3, Tigers):

I don't like the feeling of being behind on the second tie-breaker game in two years.  Hey Twins: change that.

Two pop-ups, two outs.  

Nice, quick-ish inning.

BOTTOM OF 5th (1-3, Tigers):

Two up, two down.  SAVE US, BRETT FAVRE!

And Span for the third.  WHYYYY?

TOP OF 6th (1-3, Tigers):

Eh.

BOTTOM OF 6th (1-3, Tigers):

KUBEL HOMERRRRS!  Porcello is taken out, replaced by Miner.

HARRIS BEANED!  WALKED!  BASES LOADED!  CAPS LOCK!!!

Two outs, and Tolbert pops up.  NOOO!

TOP OF 7th (2-3, Tigers):

Rauch is brought in after Shake-N-Bake falters.  

Two OUTS!  And ... MIJARES is brought in??

Urge to kill rising ... rising ... RISING ... falling ... RISING QUICKLY, AS HE PUTS RUNNERS ON THE CORNERS.

Oh nice, Guerrier gets the last out.  Mijares: good luck staying with the team.

BOTTOM OF 7th (2-3, Tigers):

LET'S GET SOME RUNS!!!!

AHHH!  LITTLE NICKY GETS A SINGLE ON A 3-2 PITCH!

O-CAB! TWO RUN HOMER! AHHHHHHH!

Mauer for a single, and trips when he runs through the base, ADORABLE!

Cuddy ends the inning.

TOP OF 8th (4-3, TWINS!):

Gomez takes over center, Span moves to right, Kubel out.

NO.  TIGERS TIE IT.  NO NO NO NO NO!

J-Nate is warming up ... scary.

And they bring him in with 1 out and 2 on.  Uhhh ...

GETS THE OUTS!!

BOTTOM OF 8th (4-All):

Time for some hits - this game is srs business.

Um, two down, and Tolbert is up.  And down.

TOP OF 9th (4-All):

Leadoff bunter takes 1st.

Two on.

Nathan gets 1st out.  I'm about to cry from al the stress.

DOUBLE PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BOTTOM OF 9th (4-All):

Span sac-bunts Punto to second.  It's honestly impossible to blog this right now.

AHHHH 10TH INNING???

TOP OF 10th (4-All):

CRAIN. WTF.  At least he got the first out.

BOTTOM OF THE 12th (5-All):

TWINS WIN THE AL CENTRAL!

I can't even believe this just happened - so very very proud!

I'm so proud of us this year.  

- Mauer is about to become the AL batting champ for the third time, and is probably gonna break a lot of other records and take home a lot more trophies (he also might be a platinum-selling rapper one day, but shhhhh!).  

- Morneau put up good numbers until his injury; Joe Crede was my break-out favorite this year.  My hope is that he'll come back next year, but with his back trouble, who knows.  

- Orlando Cabrera has proven not only is he great in the batter's box and out in the field, but he truly cares about his teammates.  

-Carlos Gomez has become an asset; and his counterpart Alexi Casilla has come back from a bad start to show us he's not going back down to AAA anytime soon. 

- Denard Span is quickly becoming a fan-favorite for good reason, as is hard-hitter Jason Kubel.  

- Delmon Young has taken the past month and turned it all around after the death of his mother and the resulting difficulties on the field - I'm so proud! 

- Little Nicky Punto has done some things out on the field I can't even believe are humanly possible, and his scrappy at-bats have helped us win otherwise hopeless games.

- Michael Cuddyer has stepped up at 1st base in the absence of Morneau so fast, I almost don't notice he's gone.  He's become a power-hitter OUT OF NOWHERE, and has saved us in some serious clutch situations.

- Our pitching staff has had a hard year, but hey: Scott Baker can still hold it down; Nick Blackburn gave us a huuuuge win on Sunday and is a force to be reckoned with; Carl Pavano has helped a lot here and there; Duensing has done so well in a short amount of time; and of course, All-Star Joe Nathan, although in the habit of making fans have heart-attacks here and there, has just been all-around amazing.

I think a lot of other teams are scratching their heads and thinking, "Minnesota in a tie-breaker?  They actually caught up to the Tigers in like two weeks? HUH?"  Yeah.  I can safely say Twins fans feel the same way.  But we're thankful for this scrappy little team from up north near all those lakes and stuff.  We had a tough second half, up until September.  We don't quit, because we can't.  There's too much potential, too much talent, too much under-dog quality to this team to give up with the end in sight.  

WE MADE IT HERE.  And not because the Tigers don't put up a fight - sweet Lord Jesus, they do! - but because we refused to lay down and die.  We bunted, chased down hits, back-hand caught, homered, stole bases, and fought until we made it here: Game 163.  And really, who would've thought around early August?

So here's to the Minnesota Twins, to the fight, to the Metrodome, to the fans, and to all those players that have put on our uniform.  Let's keep the fight going.

ROYALS @ TWINS
3rd to last game (or not?)

1B: Cuddyer
2B: Punto
3B: Harris
SS: Cabrera
RF: Kubel
CF: Span
LF: Young
C: Mauer
PITCHING: Manship, Crain, Mahay, Guerrier, Nathan

PRE-GAME:

As of the top of the 4th, the White Sox are ahead of the Tigers, 2-0.  YES, PLEASE.

I am gonna miss the Dome.  Even before my family ever moved to Minnesota, back when I was just a tadpole, my first memories of this state are of the Metrodome.  Wish I could be at that last game.

My dad just ultra-depressed me by saying "I wish Kirby could be here to enjoy all this."  Excuse me, something in my eye ...

On a lighter note: MANSHIP???????

TOP OF 1st:

But seriously.  Manship?  Oh, boy.  But at least I can tell him apart form Duensing now: Duensing is pretty good and a looker.  Manship is eeuuhhh and has a huge neck.

And with a runner on third and one out, we get a beasty double play.  Heyooo.

BOTTOM OF 1st (0-0):

DiNardo pitches to Denard.  MY HEAD JUST EXPLODED.

Oh hey, Sox up 3-0.  I love you, A.J.!

HAHAH, FAKE SIDEBURNS!  I ask for them every Christmas, and apparently no one thinks sideburns are a good gift for a young lady.  Squares.

1st and 3rd with one out, and Kubel's at bat.  HITS IT!  TWINS SCORE! 

Dicky B just called Cuddyer hitting a 3-run homer.  Um ... no.  Walked.

DELMON YOUNG HITS HIS FIRST GRAND SLAM!

I guess Dicky B was off by one batter.  So awesome!

TOP OF 2nd (5-0, Twins):

Hilarious, Teahen has "Circle Me Bert" on the wrists of his batting gloves!

7-0, White Sox?  Am I in Heaven?

BOTTOM OF 2nd (5-0, Twins):

Commercial break and the Sox score one more.  

Um, bases loaded, new Royals pitcher, and they still walk Cuddyer.  Well, uhh, whatever you gotta do, guys.

Oh look, another two runs.  

TOP OF 3rd (7-0, Twins):

Oh.  I forgot there's a game going on.

BOTTOM OF 3rd (7-0, Twins):

"Just keep winning ballgames and hope you get some help from the White Sox," says Bert.  So far, I'd say we're doing just that.

1-2-3 inning.

BOTTOM OF 4th (8-0, Twins):

Kubel cranks a huuuuge homer - very deep and very high.  Wow.

Sweet Jesus, Delmon drove in 5 of the 8 runs?  I guess we have to get Mijares to piss him off more often.

Um, hello Harris. Hits a double of the Stanley sign, drives in Cuddyer.  Sexual Harris-ment, FTW!

Another run hit in by Delmon.  I'm pretty sure he's making up for the suckitude earlier.

Awesome, just awesome.

TOP OF 5th (10-0, Twins):

Oops, KC scores one run.  EVERYBODY PANIC!

Oh, and another run.  Hope we don't get careless now.

BOTTOM OF 5th (10-2, Twins):

Eh.

TOP OF 6th (10-2, Twins):

Unfortunately, this game is getting less interesting since we're pretty much assured a win.

The 'Ship sets sail into the sunset, hopefully picking up his first Major League win.  But OH SNAP, CRAINWRECK?!

Yeah, and he's choking pretty well.  Bases loaded.  Oh cool, and two runs scored.  

Hahaha, the foul ball landed in this dude's cup, and he gave a cheers and took a drink.

Oh cool, more runs! 10-5.

And Ma-hay-hey gets the final out.  Gross.

BOTTOM OF 6th (10-5, Twins):

At this point I gotta give a shout-out to by partner in crime, J-Schoon, who last weekend drew my attention to why "K" stands for a strikeout.  Not so much that, but why there's backwards K's and regular K's.  So, three K's would be rather offensive to a lot of people, so is that why there's backward ones, we wondered?  Nope.  Turns out, a friend told J-Pain that a backwards K means caught them looking.  DUH.

1-2-3 inning.

TOP OF 7th (10-5, Twins):

I feel weird longing for the innings when Manship was pitching.  But now Keppel is in, and so far so good.

BAM, inning over.

BOTTOM OF 7th (10-5, Twins):

WOW, Tolbert with a triple.

But a 1-2-3 inning?  WHUH?

TOP OF 8th (10-5, Twins):

Okay, things are unraveling quickly, and they put in Mijares.  Yes, that pitcher that fired up Delmon, who was fined $500 for last night, who almost started WWIII: Midwest Edition.

NO WAY.  MIJARES HITS THE BATTER.  And then almost beans the next.  Wow.  Just wow.  Guerrier is warming up, bases are loaded.  

And Mijares gets the first batter out.  Cool, because I just had a stroke.

And he lets two go.  10-7, and two on base.  Wow.

BOTTOM OF 8th (10-7, Twins):

SO, uhh ... this is not what I pictured in the 5th.

The crowd chants "MVP" as Mauer takes the plate.  Love it.

1-2-3 inning, though.  And J-Nate returns.  Please, I already went into cardiac arrest today; no funny business.

TOP OF 9th (10-7, Twins):

2 outs, 0-1 to the batter ... 2-2 ... 3-2! ... and TOLBERT CATCHES IT FTW!

FINAL: 10-7, Twins

VERDICT:

Why must our bullpen constantly give me a vapors?  Why must we almost blow a 10-0 lead? Oh well.  The point being, WE WON.  TIGERS LOST.  Love it!

Twins @ Tigers
Game 4 of 4

1b: Cuddyer
2b: Punto
3b: Harris
Ss: Cabrera
RF: Kubel
CF: Span
LF: Young
C: Redmond
Pitching: Baker, Rauch, Mahay, Guerrier, Mijares, Nathan

PRE-GAME:
Already having a heart attack. Hoping to not let Detroit clinch their first title in 22 years, since I'm stingy and don't like to share things.  Like ALC titles from year to year.

TOP OF 1st:

Span is out very quicky.  Ohhhh, no.

Joe "Apparently I Tip Pitches" Mauer is the DH today.  Um.  Pops up for the 2nd out.

Uh, 1-2-3 inning.  I'm scared.

BOTTOM OF 1st (0-0):

Jim Leyland cracks me up.  My dad tells me stories of back in the day when you could smoke in the dugouts, and if the Tigers were down, he'd be chain-smoking pack after pack and screaming at the players.  MY HERO!

The sun in Detroit is insane today.  Hopefully it blinds all the Tigers in the outfield.  I mean, GOOD GAME! BEST WISHES! SPORTSMANSHIP!  

Okay, so MLBlogs censors your naughty-talk, so I'm going to have to come up with some substitutions for swears.  Such as: SON OF A BENCH, why has Baker given up two hits and let runners get on the corners?

Eh, Baker strands the runners.  Okay, Shake-N-Bake, keep that up.

TOP OF 2nd (0-0):

Agh, Kubel's thrown out at 1st.

I'm wearing my Crede shirt, which makes me miss my little ginger-snap.  He was one of my favorite Twins ... all five games that he actually played.

And Harris doesn't even put up a fight.  Oh and then Granderson, AKA The Beast, catches Reddy's hit.  I may need to just pretend this game isn't happening.

BOTTOM OF 2nd (0-0):

WOW.  Looks like we picked up some Little League player named "Young" for the outfield.  Nice.

So far it looks like Baker's trying to give away the game.

Wow, the hecklers in Detroit are INTENSE.

Tigers score the first run, unsurprisingly.

TOP OF 3rd (0-1, Tigers):

Oooh, Span nailed by a pitch.  He looks PIST.

"You gotta know that Punto can fly."  On the back of a unicorn, perhaps?

Mauer bats in Little Nicky and ties the game.

Whoa, Cuddy bats another in ... do I smell a rally?

Fly ball brings in Dreamyburns.  

Aw ship, Cuddy's thrown out at third.  But hey - hello lead?!

BOTTOM OF 3rd (3-1, TWINS):

Everyone looks like a super-dork with both eye-black and sunglasses.  I'm looking at you, Kubel and Punto.

I'm still laughing at all these stories about Mauer stealing signs.  I think that these two stories have a pretty good rebuttal to all of it.

Uneventful.

TOP OF 4th (3-1, Twins):

Throw gets by Inge and Harris takes 1st.  And Reddy gets a hit!  And Baby Nick moves them to 2nd and 3rd with a sac bunt!  WORD!

Oh, nice, Span hits Harris in from 3rd.  4-1!

BOTTOM OF 4th (4-1, Twins):

Baker nails Thames with a pitch.  Only his arm, but I don't see Bake do that sort of thing often.

Thames takes out his slide on Cabrera - O-Cab and Thames are having words.  Oy.  Replay shows he obviously misses the bag and tries to slide into Cabrera.

Bases loaded with two outs.  PUT HIM AWAY, BAKE!  And Reddy catches a straight-up pop! LOVE IT.

TOP OF 5th (4-1, Twins):

Apparently Cabrera is still upset in the dugout, explaining what happened.  In reality, watching that replay a few times, Thames is blatantly trying to slide nowhere NEAR the bag and HARD into O-Cab.  Luckily he hopped over Thames' body on time.

Whoa, very quick 1-2-3 inning.

BOTTOM OF 5th (4-1, Twins):

Double-play, babies!

And Thames comes up for another piece from Baker.  The funny part is Bert was hinting that maybe Thames needs to get nailed by a pitch again ... haha.  Another pitch sails by his face ... Redmond has to tell him it was off-speed.

If Baker so much as taps Thames' cleat with a pitch, there will be blood.  But he gets him looking, so uh, no brawls this inning.

TOP OF 6th (4-1, Twins):

I have a feeling some Twin is gonna get beaned this inning.

Or not.

BOTTOM OF 6th (4-1, Twins):

O HAI BIG RAUCH. OK BYE BIG RAUCH.

Ma-hay-hey?  Jesus.  But he holds it down for a scoreless inning.

TOP OF 7th (4-1, Twins):

Little Nicky spanks one into left.  HELLO.

Oh, nice.  Span drills it into right for a double and Punto moves to 3rd.  Jim Leyland out to the mound again ... haha.

Heard some heckler yell, "Cuddyer with a K, baby!"  Kuddyer?  That IS mildly amusing.  And he does strike out.

Now's the time to shine, Kubel.  Bases loaded!

AHAH.  Some guy on Twitter: "I'm certain Cuddyer struck out because of the guy yelling 'Cuddyer with a K, baby...Cuddyer with a K!'"

Aw, Kubel with a K strikes out.

BOTTOM OF 7th (4-1, Twins):

Whoooaaa, Le Warrior, what are you pitching here?  

Oh you're KIDDING.  Guerrier, Harris, and Cuddyer go after a pop up over the mound - Harris and Cuddyer call Guerrier off, he doesn't hear and Harris grabs for it, DROPPING IT.

Oh boy Leyland on the field after a double play where Santiago gets doubled off. 

TOP OF 8th (4-1, Twins):

Young gets a nice single to start the 8th.  

Span up with two runners on.  I like where this is going ... and Leyland makes a pitching change, putting Seay in.  WHO?

Full count, aaaand ... WALKED!  

Bases loaded for Cabrera.  AND HE HITS IT OFF THE WALL!  THREE RUNS SCORED!

OH MAN, Mauer bats Cabrera in.  Seven run lead?  If we gotta ...

So all the bad things I've said about the White Sox?  Yeah I take it all back.  Sweep the effing Tigers this weekend.  Win your faces off.

BOTTOM OF 8th (8-1, Twins):

So you're SAYIN there's a chance!

... A chance of another error despite Harris taken off of 3rd and replaced by Tolbert?  Yes.

Mijares replaces Le Warrior.  

Oh boy ... Leyland in the ump's face about Mijares almost nailing a batter and getting a warning.  This should end well ...

He's ejected, and the Tigers are crawling back with 2 unearned runs.

TOP OF 9th (8-3, Twins):

Young gets nailed in the knee by the first pitch! Laird is ejected.  Delmon is PISSED, and points angrily toward the Twins' dugout.

BENCHES CLEAR!  But no punches thrown.  God, I'd give it all to see Joe Nathan punch out Verlander or Nick Punto headbutt ANYONE.

BOTTOM OF 9th (8-3, Twins):

J-Nate up in this weird game.  Shut it down.

A walk.  Oh, God.  I think Nathan needs a vacay.  

And with a fly ball caught by Young, we win!

FINAL:  8-3, Twins 

VERDICT:

Double you tee eff.  This is probably one of the most tense, weird games I've EVER seen involving the Twins.

I offer this gem from Journey:

DOOOON'T STOP, BE-LIEEEE-VIN!

Ahh, nostalgia:

TWINS @ TIGERS
Double-header!
11:05 pm CT

1B: Cuddyer
2B: Punto
3B: Tolbert
SS: Cabrera
RF: Kubel
CF: Span
LF: Young
C: Mauer
PITCHING:
- Blackburn (7 inns), Mijares, Rauch, Nathan

PRE-GAME:
I've never seen a double-header involving the Twins before. Kinda excited, kinda scared ... these games today are a BIG deal.

Porcello vs. Blackburn, eh?

TOP OF 1st:

I hate that weird little dirt path from home to the mound.  

Mauer 20 points ahead of Ichiro ... can we say MVP?

1-2-3 inning.  BOO.

BOTTOM OF 1st (0-0):

Tigers lead off with a double.  Oh, splendid!

Blackie, rockin' the scruffy beard.  Me likey.  I'm hoping it can stop him from sucking like he is now ... just walked a dude, players on the corners and two out.

Okay, sweet, 3 outs and no score.

TOP OF 2nd (0-0):

Kubel nails the pitcher.  TAKE THAT, DETROIT.

Oh look, a double play.  I never would've thought the TWINS would hit into a double play.  I may pass out from shock.

Another 1-2-3-ish inning.

BOTTOM OF 2nd (0-0):

OHHHH, Blackbeard nails Laird!  That's terrible.

Inge.  Runners on the corners again.  One out.  I may vomit.

One run scores after the ball bounces off the glove of Cuddyer.  

I have a feeling this game is going to be a dirty little battle, eventually resulting in a huge brawl sometime after the 6th.

Again, runners on the corners.  Hope I don't have to type that anymore this game, BLACKBURN.  And the inning ends with the hit bouncing right to him.

TOP OF 3rd (0-1, Tigers):

Someone just posted on Twitter Chuck Knoblauch has been accused of beating his wife. Oh, no bueno.

LITTLE NICKY WITH A HIT??!  Holy F, Span and Nicky are keeping the inning alive!

2 outs, Cabrera is up, aaand ... pops one up for the last out.  But hey, we're showing proof we're still alive in this thing.

BOTTOM OF 3rd: (0-1, Tigers):

C'mon, Blackbeard.  He's been shaky today, and I hope he can pull it together before I start to cry tears of blood over this game.

Nope, two on and no outs.  If I could reach through the TV and slap Blackie right now, that'd be great.

OH SNAP, good throw to Mauer to get the out at home! MOAR OUTS PLZ!

Blackburn's first strikeout in the 3rd?  Oh, man.  It's gonna be a long game.

BEASTY throw and catch by Cabrera and Cuddyer to end the inning!

TOP OF 4th (0-1, Tigers):

Cuddyer nailed in the right elbow.  That brawl seems more and more realistic ... but seriously, can you IMAGINE the craziness of a Twins vs. Tigers baseball fight?  Oh man.

Agh, we had a chance there with two on base and Morales up, but it didn't work out.  We need some serious hits, and soon.

BOTTOM OF 4th (0-1 Tigers):

Why can we hit into a million double plays but can't seem to make them when it counts?

Nice - Tolbert gets the foul territory pop-up for the 2nd out.  Good job Tolbert, but I wish you were Crede.

Blackie wiggles his way out of trouble again ... thanks for the three heart attacks!  Strikes out POLANCO, of all people, swinging.

TOP OF 5th (0-1, Tigers):

Beasty double by Tolbert, AKA Baby Morneau.

Denard Span is super adorable.  At bat, and he hits a sac fly to bring Baby Morneau in - GAME TIED!

BOTTOM OF 5th (1-All):

Little Nicky snatches a pop-up right in front of Kubel for the first out.

Tolbert grabs a liner, two outs!

Whoa.  QUICK 1-2-3 inning.

TOP OF 6th (1-All):

Aw, Mauer! Stop popping up, Dreamyburns!

Cuddy keeps it alive with a base hit and two outs.

And then Delmon gets the third out.  Ouch.

BOTTOM OF 6th (1-All):

There is a TERRIBLE heckler in Detroit.  Baseball hecklers (except ones for Pierzynski) should have a special place in Hell.

Blackbeard strikes out Guillen.  That's the Blackie I like to see.

ANOTHER 1-2-3 inning, and Blackie is finding his footing.  Love it!

TOP OF 7th (1-All):

Polanco misses a roller by Morales ... I love the annoying tenacity of the Twins right now!

Whoa, hey, Casilla's pinch running?  Tolbert gets him to 2nd with a sac bunt.

Some obnoxious heckler, again, is chanting "YOU SUCK" at Punto.  And then Porcello walks him.  Shut you up now, huh?  Leyland comes in to make a pitching change.

Padre Orlando up with runners on 1st and 2nd ... the crowd is on their feet and ... SWINGING STRIKE?  Craaaaap.

BOTTOM OF 7th (1-All):

Two outs already, and The Beard has 2-2 on Polanco.  Super happy Gardy's kept him pitching this deep into the game ... well, for now.

3-2 ... Tolbert nabs his hit and throws him out at 1st.  Well done, Blackkkkburn.

TOP OF 8th (1-All):

Hey Mauer - you're in a really important game.  You should, uh, probably start going back to being awesome now.  THANKS!

So is Detroit just full of a-holes?  The same d-bag was heckling Mauer and then Kubel. Oh, and now Cuddyer. 

Two outs, and Delmon's up ... and he pops up.  Ew.

BOTTOM OF 8th (1-All):

Mijares is pitching now, Gomez is in center, Kubel is taken out and Span moves to right.

And they take Mijares out for Huge Mr. Rauch.  Eh, 1-2-3 inning works for me.

TOP OF 9th (1-All):

I would love to see some hits this inning.  Hear that, Twins?  I HAVE A FEVER.  AND THE ONLY PRECRIPTION - IS MOAR HITZ!

O HAI, Casilla. Cracks a sweet, sweet double off of the fence! AHHHHH!

Sac bunt by Tolbert makes me happyyyyy - Casilla moves to 3rd!

NOOOOO!  Failed squeeze by Punto results in a double play!  WHAT NOW??

BOTTOM OF 9th (1-All):

Punto, full of fail.  Please, please, please Rauch, stop this insanity.

Winning run in scoring position.  I might be having a stroke and a heart attack at the same time.

Inge is up.  I hate this dude.

TWO OUTS TWO OUT C'MON C'MON C'MON PLEASE TWINS GET THE WIN!!!!

SPAAAAN! GETS THE FINAL OUT!  EXTRA INNINGS!!

TOP OF 10th (1-All):

CockerSpaniol leads off with a dribbler up the middle.  I pretty much am in love with him.  That's it, I'm buying his jersey tonight.  Or proposing.

Ball gets away form the catcher and my future husband scurries to 2nd.

HAPPENS AGAIN and Span hits 3rd!

O-CAB HITS SPAN IN!  2-1!  I JUST SEIZURED!  WEEE!

C'mon, Dreamyburns, you're due for a nice hit! And he's WALKED?

IW Cuddyer, for some reason.  Young is up with bases loaded ... oh, that's why.

AND YOUNG SAC FLIES A RUN IN! 3-1, GET SOOOOME!

BOTTOM OF 10th (3-1, TWINS!):

Holy F.  J-Nate's in the game.  AND THE LEADOFF BATTER HOMERS.

PLEASE JOE NATHAN, DON'T BLOW THIS SAVE! 

Oh, Gomez with a sick sick sick catch! One out!

YES! DELMON!  Another catch and two outs!

COME ON JOE NATHAN, GET CABRERA OUT!  AND HE DOES!!!!!!

FINAL: Twins 3, Tigers 2, Heart-attacks 2, Strokes 5.

VERDICT: Wow.  This is gonna be some serious battle the next three games.  So excited for tonight.  Although I don't know if m heart can take it ...

Well, I suppose the bright side is that the Twins, 2.5 back from the Tigers, won 7 of their last 8 games, including a 7-0 shutout last night against the White Sox.

The bad?  Poor Denard Span.  Watch this video and tell me that's the grossest sound to hear in conjunction with a pitch hitting someone's head:

As the title of this post indicates, I am a big fan of batting helmets.  Although not those creepy new ones.

Luckily Numero 2 has just a mild concussion and is listed as day-to-day.  And on a another side-note, it sorta melted my icy little heart to see none other than A.J. Pierzynski rush over to make sure Span was okay.  Well, I mean granted the guy was right behind him when the pitch nailed Span, but my usual searing hate for AJP subsides a little when I see that on the video.  He's not ALL bad, folks.

Anyway, hang in there Denard.  Hopefully our lead-off hitter can be back in ship-shape soon.

EDIT:

Well THIS is disheartening.

The 2009 active Twins roster in five words or less:

Scott Baker: Shake 'n' bake
Nick Blackburn: Other dreamy sideburned player
Jesse Crain: Ichabod needs improvement
Brian Duensing: Cute new pitcher
Armando Gabino: Who?
Matt Guerrier: That means "warrior" in French
Bob Keppel: Bald can be beautiful
Francisco Liriano: Tommy John didn't help things
Ron Mahay: Say ma-hey-hey!
Jeff Manship: Sorta looks like Duensing
Jose Mijares: Wife just had a baby
Joe Nathan: Horse mouth twitches into hearts
Carl Pavano: Serious scowler
Jon Rauch: Holy Jesus, tall tattooed man!

Joe Mauer: Pretty 'burns, hometown hero, MVP
Jose Morales: Cute as an effin' button
Mike Redmond: Fiercely awesome Reddy

Brian Buscher: Love/hate relationship
Orlando Cabrera: Padre Orlando helps the kiddies
Alexi Casilla: Little Dominican badass
Joe Crede: Knee socks; I'd do him
Brendan Harris: Cute ... for a Republican
Justin Huber: Who-ber?
Justin Morneau: Canadian heartthrob and big guns
Nick Punto: Dynamite comes in small packages
Matt Tolbert: Tip: Toll-bert, not Toll-bear

Michael Cuddyer: Surprisingly awesome sometimes
Carlos Gomez: Ese might be loco
Denard Span: Pretty eyes, great catches
Delmon Young: Just may get way better

Jason Kubel: DH JK, FTW!

Also, we finished off a sweep of the Cleveland Indians today, finishing them off 7-3.  Moving on, we play the Detroit Tigers this weekend.  My only hope is not losing any more ground to them, so hopefully having tomorrow off will give the boys time to think and rest.