Inaugural 2010 liveblog: sweep, please.

1B: Morneau

2B: Hudson

3B: Punto

SS: Casilla

RF: Cuddyer

CF: Span

LF: Young

C: Ramos

PITCHING: Slowey, Crain, Guerrier, Duensing, Rauch.

So it’s been a while, hasn’t it?  While this blog sat neglected, I was too busy not having cable, so my apologies.  The problem has been remedied, so what time is a better time for unfunny nicknames and uninformed commentary?  NONE!

Can I just point out how excited I am to see Kevin Slowey, AKA my fiance, on the mound today?  Also, he just turned 26 yesterday.

Please don’t rain.

1-2-3 inning – I like.

BOTTOM OF 1st (0-0):

Span gets a single.  Off to a good start!

Hudson is walked … apparently Porcello forgot that he was pitching this afternoon.

Of the effing wall for Morneau – a double – and the Twins are ahead 1-0.  My heart is all a-twitter for you, Mr. Canada.

I really want to see Kubel do something amazing right now, or at least in this game.  He’s been fairly “eh” this season so far.  Aaaand … an out.  Aw.

Cuddy bats in Hudson, and we’re ahead 2-0.

Dear skinny Delmon: nice hit, but try making it a homer next time.  Love, Alicia.

TOP OF 2nd (2-0, Twins):

SICK double play, Casilla to Hudson to Morneau.  What?  The Twins make a double play rather than hit into one?  Color me shocked.

Casilla’s got some serious beardage.  Can’t wait to see us play the Brewers and see how he greets his former Dominican man-panion Gomez.

BOTTOM OF 2nd (2-0, Twins):

Robby Inkminasjkdfalkski is such an aggravating little spaz.

Wow, thanks Punto.  Worst bunt ever.

TOP OF 3rd (2-0, Twins):

OH SHI- … huge upper-deck single-run homer for Avila.  And the fans are booing.  Eh, we’ll get ‘em back.

Ahaha, Bert opens a fortune cookie on-air.  ”You enjoy using your imagination.”  WHAT?

Slowey nearly beans Jackson. Chin music, anyone?

BOTTOM OF 3rd (2-1, Twins):

Span walked, Hudson hits one that slips past the infielder; Span is thrown out but Hudson makes it in time to avoid a double play.  NICE.

KUBEL!!!!  RBI DOUBLE!!!  HUDSON SCORES!!!  I (sorta) called it!

Twenty bucks Cuddyer can’t do anything this at-bat.

… hm, I must be psychic.

TOP OF 4th (3-1, Twins):

I like how Punto’s black eye-stuff takes up 90% of his tiny face.

AW, HELL NAW.  Homer from Cabrera.  Can we hit a couple homers this game, too?  THANKS.

Weird thought: Slowey always licks his fingers before he throws; I wonder if he’s ever gotten a totally gross mouth full of like dirt or something more atrocious?

Aaaand no more Tiger scoring.

BOTTOM OF 4th (3-2, Twins):

Apparently Ramos isn’t perfect – strikes out.  Kid’s amazing though.  Sorta sad that he’s younger than me, which makes me realize how little I’ve accomplished the past 24 years.  Aw.

WHAT??  PUNTO TRIPLE?!  Casilla scores! 

Span follows it up with a single that gets Punto home.  I LOVE THIS GAME SO FAR!

Span steals second.  THIS IS AWESOME.

Hudson goes to bunt, but is nailed by the pitch.  That can’t be a fun walk to first.

Those little pine trees in the outfield are adorable.

Um, ball four, and Morneau is walked.  Bye bye, Porcello.

TOP OF 5th (5-2, Twins):

Delmon with a beasty catch while wearing nerd-alert sunglasses.

Span with a beasty attempted catch that nails him in the torso and gets a piece of his face.  He had a pretty sweet little almost-somersault there, though.

BOTTOM OF 5th (5-2, Twins):

Eh, stuff happened.

TOP OF 6th (5-2, Twins):

WHY DOES CABRERA KEEP HITTING HOME RUNS?!  Is it because many of his teammates wear tall-socks?  I think so.

Oh God, they’re warming up Crainwreck.

Slowey’s out, and Jesse’s in.  Can I just say that I’m terrified?

Um … but he finishes the inning? 

BOTTOM OF 6th (5-3, Twins):

NICE hit by Span, a double, and Punto moves the third. 

Morneau intentionally walked, and the bases are loaded.  Knowing us, this is our biggest weakness, and I’m officially scared.  Especially with 2 outs and Kubel up.

And my fears were correct.  Sad.  I love J-Koob, but he needs to un-slump himself ASAP.

TOP OF 7th (5-3, Twins):

Nothing.

BOTTOM OF 7th (5-3, Twins):

Ehh.

TOP OF 8th (5-3, Twins):

Cuddyer’s sunglasses are heinous and awesome at the same time.  Good catch, Mikey.

MATTY GUERRIER UP IN THIS! … For like 5 minutes.  Duensing replaces Matty G.

Inge out after he pops up on the first pitch.

Two pitches, two outs: I love you, Brian Duensing.

BOTTOM OF 8th (5-3, Twins):

Let’s do work, boys.

Casilla with a siiiick bunt!  I love that little guy.

Sac hit from Punto, moves Casilla to second.

And apparently Rauch is warming up now.  But will Duensing start the next inning?  OH THE SUSPENSE!

Span called out, and doesn’t agree, but you can bet your life he won’t argue it.

Eh, 3 outs.

TOP OF 9th (5-3, Twins):

Everyone, chant after me: LET’S GO, NECK-TAT!

Fail.  Homer.  Ew.

Dear Jon Rauch: Your tattoos are pretty neat.  I hear you’re pretty tall.  Anyway, please stop not striking guys out.  If you can avoid walks and home runs, I’d be much obliged.  Your pal, Alicia.

Two have been put away … one more … AAAAGH!

LINER TO MORNEAU! SWEEEEEEEP!

FINAL: Twins, 5-4.