Results tagged ‘ blackburn ’
Here’s to our boys.
I’m so proud of us this year.
- Mauer is about to become the AL batting champ for the third time, and is probably gonna break a lot of other records and take home a lot more trophies (he also might be a platinum-selling rapper one day, but shhhhh!).
- Morneau put up good numbers until his injury; Joe Crede was my break-out favorite this year. My hope is that he’ll come back next year, but with his back trouble, who knows.
- Orlando Cabrera has proven not only is he great in the batter’s box and out in the field, but he truly cares about his teammates.
-Carlos Gomez has become an asset; and his counterpart Alexi Casilla has come back from a bad start to show us he’s not going back down to AAA anytime soon.
- Denard Span is quickly becoming a fan-favorite for good reason, as is hard-hitter Jason Kubel.
- Delmon Young has taken the past month and turned it all around after the death of his mother and the resulting difficulties on the field – I’m so proud!
- Little Nicky Punto has done some things out on the field I can’t even believe are humanly possible, and his scrappy at-bats have helped us win otherwise hopeless games.
- Michael Cuddyer has stepped up at 1st base in the absence of Morneau so fast, I almost don’t notice he’s gone. He’s become a power-hitter OUT OF NOWHERE, and has saved us in some serious clutch situations.
- Our pitching staff has had a hard year, but hey: Scott Baker can still hold it down; Nick Blackburn gave us a huuuuge win on Sunday and is a force to be reckoned with; Carl Pavano has helped a lot here and there; Duensing has done so well in a short amount of time; and of course, All-Star Joe Nathan, although in the habit of making fans have heart-attacks here and there, has just been all-around amazing.
I think a lot of other teams are scratching their heads and thinking, “Minnesota in a tie-breaker? They actually caught up to the Tigers in like two weeks? HUH?” Yeah. I can safely say Twins fans feel the same way. But we’re thankful for this scrappy little team from up north near all those lakes and stuff. We had a tough second half, up until September. We don’t quit, because we can’t. There’s too much potential, too much talent, too much under-dog quality to this team to give up with the end in sight.
WE MADE IT HERE. And not because the Tigers don’t put up a fight – sweet Lord Jesus, they do! – but because we refused to lay down and die. We bunted, chased down hits, back-hand caught, homered, stole bases, and fought until we made it here: Game 163. And really, who would’ve thought around early August?
So here’s to the Minnesota Twins, to the fight, to the Metrodome, to the fans, and to all those players that have put on our uniform. Let’s keep the fight going.
Color me excited.
Here’s to another win
today, this time against the Shite Sox. Because of our
awesomeness this evening, we’re 3 ½ games back from the first-place Tigers and 2 ½ ahead of the Sox.
Color me excited:
Okay, the opposite of this.
Another reason to be
excited: JOE CREDE AIN’T
RETIRING. Although he’s been
battling a seemingly endless list of injuries this year with the Twins, and despite his current status on the disabled
list, my dearest Joe isn’t
ditching out of baseball just yet:
Joe Crede heard the rumor speculating that he may retire after the end of
this season. After all, the 31-year-old third baseman has had two back
surgeries and is currently on the disabled list with more back problems.
…
“I read that article the other day. I don’t know
where they based that off of,” Crede said about the original speculation reported Sunday in
the Chicago Tribune.
The Other Joe, No, Not that One, Or That One, the One on Third, says he needs to give his back a bit of time and
rest, hoping to come back soon to help the Twins push their way into the playoffs. It’s a bummer he seems like he’s made
of glass, but it sounds like he’s still eager to get back in the game:
Crede got a second epidural today and said before the game it was
already working. He also shot down a speculative report out of Chicago that he
might retire after this season.
“I
think in baseball years, I’m still fairly young,” the 31-year-old said.
“I know I have more years in me left. I still love the game. I still love
coming to the ballpark everyday. I have no plans of retiring.”
GOOD! We love you, Joe! Even
my dad doesn’t complain about you (which can’t be said about Cuddyer, Gomez,
basically all of our pitchers except Joe Nathan, Young,
some of the batboys, … etc.)
More things that make me
smile: HOMERS! The third inning
tonight was pure gold; what, with Mauer hitting that huuuuuge solo homer into the upper deck, and then Kubel following his lead with a two-run home run:
But with two outs in the third, the Twins were able to strike.
Mauer continued his own hot spell, belting his 26th home run of the
season which also doubled his previous career high of 13 from 2006.
…
Justin
Morneau followed up Mauer’s homer with a single to right field. Kubel then added his second two-run home
run in as many days, blasting a 437-foot shot deep to center field to give Minnesota a 3-0 lead.
That was so glorious. But those hits were definitely not
purely what won the game; Blackburn
had a surprisingly good outing, probably one of his first in at least a
month. He’s obviously been
struggling, but something tonight was definitely going well for him, and I
suspect it was his newly-sprouted facial hair:
Donning a
new beard, one that teammate Kevin Slowey suggested he should keep, Blackburn turned things around by getting back
to what had made him successful earlier this year.
[ I knew it! ]
“I
still wasn’t making good pitches the entire night, but I was able to get away
with it,” Blackburn said. “My stuff was sharper tonight than it had been in a
long time. The stuff [pitching coach Rick Anderson] and I have been working on in the
last couple weeks finally kind of set in and started working for me. “
Hopefully he can keep it
up, because he was absolutely amazing earlier this year. I was at the Dome for one of those games in June when he pitched the
whole thing (might’ve been against the Pirates?).
And here’s my final happy
note: ALEXI CASILLA! Seeing all these great things that he
can do out on the field is making me swoon. I was super bummed earlier this year when he was sent down
not once but twice for just plain sucking. More than anything, I’m pretty sure it was his attitude (I’m
95% sure I read that in an article, so I’m not making that up), but whatever it
really was, he’s changed it.
I also love not having Photoshop …
And the hits Casilla’s been getting have been great, too … I want to
attribute it to a million different things, like being back on the team with Gomez, the fatherly presence of Orlando Carbrera (Padre Orlando!), maturity from learning from his previous
mistakes … whatever. I’m rooting
for that little Dominican dude, because I think the more he plays, the better
he plays, and the better the team is for it. He and Gomez
are going to pose a serious threat in the future – mark my words!
So, here’s hoping we
continue this fierce battle-to-the-death attitude:
“It’s a
completely different feel around our clubhouse, and I think everybody’s pretty
excited about the way it’s going,” Kubel said. “That’s what we’re
focusing on right now, how we go about our own business.”
I want to see us take the
AL Central away from the frickin’ Tigers. They may be admittedly
playing well, but after the BS we’ve made it through this season and are
starting to overcome, we deserve it.
PS. Mike Redmond‘s TRIPLE yesterday?! Hilarious.
One batter
later, catcher Mike Redmond — who earlier in the game hit just his third career triple –
hit a chopper to first base that was fielded by Hank Blalock.
The whole team was
cracking up in the dugout, watching Reddy round those bases. Aww!
There is no clever title for this.
Seems as though we took the series this weekend against the division-leading Detroit Tigers. The Twins (43-40) are now just two games behind Detroit (44-37), and are currently leading the division in my heart. Awww!
So, while I was busy getting sunburn and blowing my fingers off with firecrackers at a cabin this weekend, it looks like the boys held it down despite that EPIC game which ended in a loss Friday (which I was only aware of thanks to a friend with an iPhone):
That’s exactly what happened in a marathon at the Metrodome on Friday night, as the Twins fell to the Tigers by an 11-9 final in a game that took 16 innings, a combined 35 hits, 15 total pitchers and over five hours to finish.
After checking the score nine hundred times, my fragile little heart broke when I read Crede struck out, ending the game. I was like, “no … no! NOOOO! HE’S GRAND-SLAMMED BEFORE!“ But then he didn’t and all Twins fans died a little inside.
So no big deal, we just lost one game, right? Oh, no:
Right-hander Kevin Slowey was placed on the 15-day disabled list after the contest with a strained right wrist. The Twins have called up right-hander Anthony Swarzak from Triple-A Rochester to take his place on the roster.
Slowey, who entered [Friday's game] trying to become the first pitcher in the Majors to win 11 games, tossed just three innings against Detroit as he gave up a season-worst six runs on five hits.
That is super awful. I loves me some Kevin Slowey-Children; hopefully his wrist will be alright ASAP. Because, you know, he kinda needs his right wrist A LOT.
So, major bummers abounded Friday, but it all turned around on Saturday, July 4th with a 4-3 win. God bless America, and apparently Nick Punto:
Punto singled up the middle in the fourth inning, but it was his jam shot to left in the eighth inning that allowed pinch-runner Matt Tolbert to score from second base and break up what had been a 3-3 tie.
Aww, yeahh! And today was another win, an almost-shutout for Blackburn:
Spotted six runs in the fourth inning by his offense, Blackburn continued to pound his sinker low in the strike zone, holding the Tigers scoreless for eight innings while allowing just four hits.
But an error in the top of the ninth was followed by a two-run home run by Brandon Inge, and Blackburn’s bid at his first career shutout evaporated.
Whatever, that’s the third complete game that guy’s pitched in the past few weeks; it’s just the Twins’ nature to choke somewhere in the 8th or 9th despite his best efforts. You’ll get one again someday, Dreamyburns II.
Other stuff:
- Morneau not starting in All-Star game, but joins starters Nathan and Mauer as a reserve.
- My fave Canadian not likely to go to the Home-Run Derby, but a certain set of sideburns just may make an appearance …
- I was watching FSN or something last week and the story of these reality show winners from India who got signed with the Pirates pretty much sucked me in. WELL, looks like they made their pitching debuts. Such an interesting story!
- Oh. My. God. Seriously??
I’m too tired and in need of a tub of aloe to make sense anymore, but as a reminder: a day off tomorrow, and then it’s on to the effin’ Yankees (A.K.A. America’s Sweethearts vs. That Team That’s from Almost Canada)!
Dust in the wind.
Hey. Hey, you. Think you can name every MLB team in a minute? Well, Dr.
Overly-Confident, try this on for size. My personal
best is a solid, like, 12 because I type like someone who’s never seen a
keyboard before. Also, they don’t take answers like “A’s” or
“D-Backs” or “I hate the White Sox.”
So, that game last night … not something I want to see ever
again. We’d been doing so well (except for that game against the Brewers, agh!) as of late,
and it was good t get some wins on the road. What went wrong? Well,
plenty of things were to blame, such as …
Fielding:
In their return to American League play, the Twins offense went silent
and the club’s defense was what manager Ron Gardenhire called
“sloppy” as they suffered a 4-2 loss to the Royals in the series
opener at Kauffman Stadium.
“We’ve
been playing pretty good and we just had a clunker tonight defensively where we
just didn’t make enough plays out there,” Gardenhire said.
The Royal’s pitcher, Hochevar:
“But, I think more than anything, we got shut down
by a young man who threw the ball really, really well against us.” [Gardy said]
Trying
yet again to move two games over the .500 mark — something they have yet to do
this season — the Twins saw their attempt foiled by Royals right-hander Luke Hochevar as they fell back to 39-39 on the
season.
Hochevar held the club scoreless for seven
innings, limiting it to just two hits over that span.
And Blackburn:
Blackburn (6-4) was able to hold it at that
mark until the sixth inning, even pitching out of a bases-loaded situation in
the fifth. But he started the sixth by giving up back-to-back solo home runs to
Albert Callaspo
and Miguel Olivo,
allowing Kansas City
to take a three-run lead.
“I
was a little off early. My mechanics didn’t feel great but I felt like I made a
pretty good adjustment late,” Blackburn said. “The two home runs were
just bad pitches. I don’t blame it on anything but missed spots. Our pitch
selection was good, I just failed to execute two pitches.”
So gross. But, along with the
bad – the very, very, very … VERY bad – a glorious two-run “morneaumer” (see what I
did there?? EHH??) was able to cut the Royals‘ lead in half:
Justin
Morneau hit a
two-run homer off left-hander John Bale in the eighth to pull the club within two, but by that
time it was just too little, too late.
I like how whoever wrote that article had to put everything in
the most depressing way possible. The term “too little, too
late” is something you use when describing a marriage failing.
Anyway, like Gardy said, our defense is slop-tacular. I couldn’t even handle how badly we caught, threw, missed opportunities for outs, etc.
And although I was trying to make peace with Buscher and his shenanigans, I just can’t. He was TRULY awful last night. Crede, fix that back of yours, stat.
Also, WTF Delmon and Denard?? You were doing the Texas Two-Step out there, practically knocking each other out of the way to nab any fly ball. I mean there’s one thing to backup the catch just in case, but WHOA. No more stepping on each other’s toes, literally.
And Cuddyer’s error? AY! Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that was his first of the year last night. So what’s the deal with our outfielders? Would Gomez or Kubel have helped the situation any more? This guy seems to think he has the answer, and I agree except for the Young being the DH thing. That’s just … scary.
On to the game tonight, 7:10 in KC. Hopefully we won’t be total jokes out there again.
Goin’ to Kansas City …
I took a vacay away from blogging this weekend in favor of supporting my gay brothers and sisters at Pride in Minneapolis this weekend. Oh, and binge drinking. So, do baseball and gays mix? Judging by the plethora of Twins shirts I saw at the parade, this straight girl would say … YES.
With a runner at second, no outs, and the Twins leading by two,Pujols stepped to the plate against Nathan as the potential tying run. He led the Major Leagues in home runs and RBIs, and the two hitters hitting behind him — Ryan Ludwick and Rick Ankiel — were hitting .226 and .240, respectively. … So, arguably the game’s greatest hitter stepped into the box at a sold out Busch Stadium on Friday night with a chance to tie the game and Nathan and the Twins went right after him. … After Pujols laid off a slider in the dirt to even the count at 2-2,Nathan threw one of the nastiest sliders of his career to get the two-time MVP swinging for the first out. “That’s about as good as I can throw it,” Nathan said. “If he didn’t swing at that one, I would have just tipped my cap and said ‘Wow.’” With the hard part out of the way, Nathan then coaxed a groundout from Ludwick and struck out Ankiel to preserve the third win of the year for starter Glen Perkins. “I loved it,” Perkins said. “That was awesome. One of the best pitchers against one of the best hitters and that’s the kind of stuff we like to see. … “That was nasty,” Gardenhire said. “That ball fell off the table. That was a really nasty slider.”
What a BEAST. So great that we got Pujols that game, because OH DON’T WORRY, he managed to take us over his knee and spank us the next game … Saturday: Lost, 5-3. Probably because Pujols is actually a cyborg from the future, designed to hit multiple home runs in a game and make Minnesota Twins fans cry and wish they were Cardinals fans:
Kevin Slowey finally found out what the rest of the National League has known for a while: Albert Pujols is pretty darn good. “He’s very special,” Slowey said. “He’s great for the game of baseball. He’s a tremendous hitter and a tremendous athlete. From everything I’ve heard, he’s a tremendous person, too. It doesn’t make it any easier to give up a couple home runs to him, but he’s very good.” The slugger hit a pair of two-run homers off Slowey in his first two at-bats as the Twins fell to the Cardinals, 5-3, on a hot and muggy Saturday afternoon at Busch Stadium.
My farvorite sentence of that selection from the article is ‘”He’s very special,” Slowey said.’ Teehee, special! Slow(ey)! I am also quite possibly a moron. But, the Twins weren’t the only thing to fall at Busch Stadium this weekend (I may or may not be going to Hell for that sentence):
The fan, identified by a friend as Chris Hoffman of O’Fallon, Ill., was seated in the front row of section 454 when he apparently passed out during
WHEW, at least he fell on Cardinals fans … Sorry, I’m truly awful. And yesterday, Sunday: Won, 6-2. Twins fans out there can send their thank you cards to Liriano and Morneau for that:
The Twins lefty looked like a different pitcher against theCardinals, pounding the strike zone and giving up two runs in seven innings to pick up his fourth win of the season as Minnesota took the series from St. Louis with a 6-2 win. … The Twins lefty had a 3-0 lead befor
Good stuff. Up against Kansas City and their Royals tonight. I really like the Royals logo … it’s very olds-chool. I’ve been through KC twice. Well actually Kansas City, Missouri. Kansas is such an awful place, its city moved to a neighboring state! I’m kidding of course, unless you realize I actually hate Kansas – then I’m not. Anyway, big ups to the boys for playing great this weekend, that Cardinals fan for diving off into the stands, and my main man Blackburn in hopes he’ll do well tonight.
the National Anthem and fell over the railing. Hoffman landed on two Cardinals fans seated in section 354, about 10-12 feet below, who were unharmed but visibly shaken.
e he even took the mound thanks to a three-run blast off the bat of Justin Morneau. With runners at first and third, Morneau took a 2-2 fastball from the Cardinals‘ Joel Pineiro and belted it 432 feet, well into the right-field seats.
Milwaukee Boo-ers.
Touch ‘em all? Not today.
Blackburn is doing pretty well already. Scoreless game as of the top of the 4th.
NO-MAAHHHR!
1B: Morneau 2B: Tolbert 3B: Harris SS: Punto RF: Cuddyer CF: Span LF: Young Ca: Mauer PITCHING: Blackburn Guerrier Nathan TOP O’ THE FIRST: Looks like Crede‘s hand is still all messed and he won’t be playing. Punto gets a piece of a throw by Mauer to stop a runner from stealing 2nd. Guy still stole it, after being nailed and Punto getting a piece of the ricochet. Youkilis is up. I’m scared of his beard. He is also dripping what I believe is sweat all over the place, even though it’s the start of the game. BOTTOM O’ THE FIRST: Mauer is up. Lookin’ pretty, Dreamyburns. Line drive goes to Pedroia and a double play results. 2 outs.
Morneau gets a hit, goes for second while the infielders chase after the ball, but is tagged out.
TOP O’ THE SECOND:
Not really sure what happened this inning, other than me running to grab some Windex to clean my laptop screen … and then ending up ramming my shin on a stair after tripping on air and consequently ramming my knee and slamming my head off the wall. BUT HEY, THE SAWX DIDN’T SCORE!
BOTTOM O’ THE SECOND:
Still 0-0, and Cuddyer leads off. Let’s talk about Cuddy for a second: you, sir, have become badass. Granted he was disabled like all of last year, but I’d say its sort of out of the blue that he’s suddenly the right-handed Mauer. Leadoff double with a line drive to deep left.
Kubel follows Cuddyer. Kubes hits a sacrifice, which moves Cuddyer to third.
Crede did end up having x-rays on his hand, but apparently didn’t break anything. He can’t grip a bat, so he had to skip batting practice today.
Deltron 3000 Young is up. Sadly, his mother just died and Burt said he’s been having a rough time playing since.
TOP O’ THE THIRD:
After three caught fly outs, the Sawx have another scoreless inning.
BOTTOM O’ THE THIRD:
Tolbert, aka NEW FISH, is up. This guy has a better batting average than Punto, which makes me sad. The Dirt McGirt Punto better make it rain, or he’s gonna be gone soon. And he’s thrown out at first.
Span is apparently “feeling woozy,” according to Dick. Takes a pitch to the ribs and chucks his bat. Steals second.
TOP O’ THE FOURTH:
Deltron makes a sick catch of a line drive out in left. Another scoreless inning!
[Boring chunk of game, busy icing my shin]
BOTTOM O’ THE FIFTH:
With Tolbert and Harris on 1 and 2, Punto gets a nice hit and sends Harris across home plate, with Punto on 2 and Tolbert on 3. 1-1.
Span is out at first, but hits in Tolbert, making it 2-1. NICE.
Mauer is walked, Punto still on third, and Morneau is up. MORNEAU HITS A THREE-RUN HOMER! Good Lord, the Twins better pay Mauer and Morneau in Aztec gold to keep them around. 5-1.
What was with the “Touch A Ball, Morneau” sign?? HAHHA! The camera was on it and then cut away really quickly. I totally thought Burt would say something inappropriate AND HILARIOUS.
TOP O’ THE SIXTH:
Boring.
BOTTOM O’ THE SIXTH:
Is it wrong to think Blackburn is quite the looker? Perhaps I have a thing for sideburns.
Three outs, and its still 5-1.
TOP O’ THE SEVENTH:
Guerrier and um someone else are warming up in the bullpen. Looks like Blackburn is doing fairly well still, though.
Sawx get one run, 5-2.
BOTTOM O’ THE SEVENTH:
Blackburn had 111 pitches and is done for the game. Foxy.
Punto charged with his fourth error. Up at bat, he hits a nice one into
center and makes a beautiful slide into 2. Span sacrifices with a bunt to get Punto to 3.
Mauer strikes out, the second time in this game. Ew.
Oh, intentionally walking Morneau? SAWX, YOU SCURRRED?
Aw, shite. Cuddyer pops one up with two outs and it’s over.
TOP O’ THE EIGHTH:
Guerrier, the French Warrior, is pitching. Youkilis hits a huge, but nevertheless out, one in the stands.
A foul tip nails Mauer in the shoulder, but he seems to be still alright to play, and the crowd loves it. Youkilis, The Beard, is struck out.
BOTTOM O’ THE EIGHTH:
Harris is nailed by the Sawx pitcher. Much like the Brewer game on Sunday, that’s the second player to be beaned tonight.
TOP O’ THE NINTH:
Nathan is pitching. Horse puff count: 1, although I probably missed a few.
Two out, one on 1. chases a huge hit to center and catches it, ending the game.
FINAL: 5-2, Twins.
VERDICT: Pretty damn good. Our pitching held it together, and other than some small errors, we fielded well. Morneau had that sick three-run homer, and Punto had some redeemingly good hits, too.
Eh, Jays?
Tonight at 7 pm we’re up against the Toronto Blue Jays. Kevin “Caution: Slow Children” Slowey is pitching against the Jay’s Litsch. Now, obviously, I don’t know anything about this pitcher or really this entire team, but I’m hoping our boys are so mad about the last two games against the Shite Sox that they’ll try a bit harder.
The Unspeakable Game yesterday, which I dutifully liveblogged for because I have no friends, was frustrating enough to watch, and apparently the players and Gardy were just as thrilled as I was:
“It was an ugly baseball game by us,” Gardenhire said. “Blackburn threw the ball very well for us. We missed the ball, which is not the way we do things. We didn’t play good defense, and offensively we just didn’t have a lot of good at-bats.”
…
“As one of my coaches said, we’re just struggling a little bit,”Gardenhire said. “We’ll see if we can get home and get back on the right track. It was kind of ugly baseball here the last two [days].” (mlb.com)
Ugly: yes. Props to Blackburn and Young, though. Dreamyburns IIdid some solid pitching, and Delmon 3000 gave us our only home run of the day. Fortunately, Cuddyer came at the right time to ruin any good playing by both:
“Up to that point, Blackburn had not given up an earned run in the outing, as the first White Sox run scored on a two errors by first baseman Michael Cuddyer in the fifth inning.” (mlb.com)
First of all, why the frick was Cud-Yer on first? I’m sure there was a legit reason stemming from Morneau needing rest of something, but … CUDDY ON FIRST? That’s an error in itself.
Here’s hoping A.) We do much, much better against the Jays, B.)Slowey can hold it down, C.) Morneau is back in place, and D.) Eau Claire gets the Twins on some channel that doesn’t require me to spend my night at a pub … because I will be drunk if they play remotely anything like the past two games.
HAPPY Easter?? NOPE.
APRIL 12, 2009: 1:05 pm @ Shite Sox 1b: CUDDYER 2b: HARRIS 3b: CREDE C: REDMOND RF: SPAN CF: GOMEZ LF: YOUNG (solo hr) PITCHING: BLACKBURN (6+ innings) BRESLOW (3 seconds) NATHAN (closes) (I started blogging somewhere in the 2nd) Young cranks one into the stands in the 2nd inning … thanks be to Jesus, since I have no idea where he’s been the past week and no idea if we’re gonna be able to put that gross game yesterday (0-8) behind us. Punto hangs out under an easy pop fly, but it flies out of his glove after he gets it. Seriously? Generally I think Punto is pretty good at fielding, although his batting is a little … lacking at times. No worries, bottom of the 4th he redeems himself with a catch that, according to Dick, “stays in the glove.” Yes, Dick, yes it did. GOMEZ catches a hit in the bottom of the 4th, putting one away.Gomez is probably one of my favorite players. Why? First of all, I love his grasp on the English language … which basically isn’t there. Who cares, the man is hilarious. Two, the guy is insanely quick. I’d love to see my fat *** try to sprint from home to first with him. Third, one of my favorite moments from last season was seeing GOMEZ strike out (can’t remember what game it was) and then CRACK – just snaps the bat over his knee. If i were the other team I probably would’ve started to cry. I can’t wait to see what he can do this season as well as in the future. Just for a moment, I’d like to get Denarded in here. Span is quickly becoming one of my favorite players. Dude can crank a decent run here and there and is pretty sick in the field. At the home opener our seats were right next to Span, and I spent the game pretty much staring him down and swooning. Like Gomez, I want to see what this guy can do in these upcoming seasons. Pierzynski. I just … want to … AGH. Okay, fine dude, you’re a former Twin. No need to be a total jackass to not only your former team, but basically everyone you ever some into contact with. And your hair; perhaps you’re a giant Eminem fan? I think for my birthday in two weeks, when I blow out the candles, I’ll wish for the opportunity to punch you in the face. Bottom o’ the 5th, 2:09, hour into the game: Crede. You might become my new Twins boyfriend in the absence ofMauer (or “The Schnoz” as my dad calls him. Way to piss on my parade, dad), since apparently he’s really into being injured and not in the game. Good choice on the number 24, which happens to be my favorite. That means we’re practically engaged, yes? 37 ******* degrees in Chicago? My God. All those guys from down south are probably like, “yeah, listen … trade m Speaking of replacement boyfriends, heeeeey Blackburn. Love you long time. SPAN! Again! CATCHIN’ ****! Burt does NOT like the mascot distracting Blackburn. He X’ed that ****, not thiriled that the mascot is “thinking he’s a bunny today.” Word, Burt. ****, Sox score. Cuddyer - not surprisingly – panicked, chased the ball, misses Morneau, and both runners advance. I just noticed that the word “panicked” contains a superfluous K, because I guess the C can’t stand alone without sounding like an S. Anyway, Cuddyer pisses me off. I want him to do well, but he just continuously ***** up. Like he could’ve just been charged with a pair of errors right there. The pressure is on when he’s batting – bases are loaded and there’s two outs? You best believe guy’s gonna choke. But I KNOW he’s good, deep down, and I want him to do well. It’s just that I have no hope after all his dumb ********. Also, my roommate, who is a Brewers fan, asks me how to pronounce his last name every day. CUD-year? cud-DYE-er? I choose to tell her the two-syllable option, until he stops sucking someday. Top o’ the 6th: Speaking of nicknames, I totally love that my softball teammate Kevin says “Dirty Punto.” Oh ****, Quentin just did a sick diving catch. Dive, roll, catch, all with style. Morneau is on deck. Listen, dude, help us out. Oh, just kidding, 1-2-3 inning and it’s over. Apparently, according to this commercial, for every hour you exercise you gain two on your life. And according to this commercial, Wyoming DOESN’T suck. News to me. Bottom o’ the 6th: Crede does a slidey-thing to catch Thome’s hit, doesn’t make it, but manages to make me swoon. Two run home-run by Thome. ****. 543rd career home-run. Konerko makes me nervous. But Gomez picks him off for out numero dos. I love his little ninja-mask. Dude’s gotta be mighty cold. God I love that commercial with Dreamyburns (Mauer) and Nathan. I need to remember to send that to my roommate, since she spent most of the home opener making me take pictures of Nathan‘s “hot ***” warming up. Top o’ the 7th: Morneau put away. God. Buehrle is sent away, replaced with this dude, number 26. Apparently that’s Dotel. Duly noted. His first name is apparently Octavio, which is badass. CUDDYER. Can we please do something worthwhile? He looks like my friend Darin. I don’t think Darin is an amateur magician, although he’s very good at making the ladies disappear … OHHHHH! Anyway,Cuddyer for the 2nd out. Good work, tard. Crede. So rugged, so powerful, so wearing his half-pants and tall socks. Yessss. He kinda looks like my ex-boyfriend, which makes me want to hate him, but I CAN’T. After his “All Out of Love” showdown Friday night, I am a definite fan. And he’s walked. Bottom o’ the 7th: Redmond is giving a talking-to to Breslow. Obviously it helped, sinceBreslow beaned the batter. Also, the other two have hit the dirt. Sweet pitching, man. I guess Crain is coming out. Boo, Breslow, Boo. Why can’t we just throw like professionals and actually get some hits? I think they used it all up on Friday. Alright, Ichabod Crain, let’s do this. Oh, what’s that? Your first pitch and another run for the Sox? 5-1, thanks to a slow tag by Redmond. Damn. Top o’ the 8th: C’mon Gomez. Please. Hm … that was a good pitch, but that means a strikeout. Punto gets on base, possibly pulling something. After further inspection, I guess not. Span is out. This is sad. Bottom o’ the 8th: Nathan pitches, Dye hits a homer, Gomez almost gets it. Christ. This is embarrassing. Redmond catches a foul, dude is out. I love Redmond, my little burn victim. Pierzynski … can we please have a crazed fan jump onto the field and like break his arm? Nope, base hit. Number 31 really likes hitting fouls. Dick reminds us 9 hits for the Sox, just 3 for the Twins. Thanks, Dick.I already want to hang myself. Top o’ the 9th: Harris, infield base hit. Whatever, at least we’re on base; although based on my softball hitting skills, I could also be playing for theTwins. Morneau cracks one to center, goes to 1st and moves Harris to 2nd. Oh, look; Cuddyer is up. My dad is already laughing. Prove me wrong. 1-0 … 2-0 … WALKED?? Okay … Jenks: Dad calls him an “ugly sucker.” He doesn’t appreciate the blond beard. Crede: I love you. Make me proud. Bases loaded. MAKE ME PROUD. And … struck out. I hate these Shite Sox fans. Double play, and it’s over. FINAL: 6-1, Sox VERDICT: Shat the bed. Where’s Kubel, Dreamyburns, Casilla? Slow-children-ey? Why is everyone injured? Why are we unable to help ourselves when our bases are loaded or when we have an easy pop-fly? The Sox are a good team, but not that good.
y ***. For real. Somewhere warm. This is retarded.”
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