Results tagged ‘ liveblog ’
LIVE: There will be blog.
ROYALS @ TWINS
3rd to last game (or not?)
1B: Cuddyer
2B: Punto
3B: Harris
SS: Cabrera
RF: Kubel
CF: Span
LF: Young
C: Mauer
PITCHING: Manship, Crain, Mahay, Guerrier, Nathan
PRE-GAME:
As of the top of the 4th, the White Sox are ahead of the Tigers, 2-0. YES, PLEASE.
I am gonna miss the Dome. Even before my family ever moved to Minnesota, back when I was just a tadpole, my first memories of this state are of the Metrodome. Wish I could be at that last game.
My dad just ultra-depressed me by saying “I wish Kirby could be here to enjoy all this.” Excuse me, something in my eye …
On a lighter note: MANSHIP???????
TOP OF 1st:
But seriously. Manship? Oh, boy. But at least I can tell him apart form Duensing now: Duensing is pretty good and a looker. Manship is eeuuhhh and has a huge neck.
And with a runner on third and one out, we get a beasty double play. Heyooo.
BOTTOM OF 1st (0-0):
DiNardo pitches to Denard. MY HEAD JUST EXPLODED.
Oh hey, Sox up 3-0. I love you, A.J.!
HAHAH, FAKE SIDEBURNS! I ask for them every Christmas, and apparently no one thinks sideburns are a good gift for a young lady. Squares.
1st and 3rd with one out, and Kubel’s at bat. HITS IT! TWINS SCORE!
Dicky B just called Cuddyer hitting a 3-run homer. Um … no. Walked.
DELMON YOUNG HITS HIS FIRST GRAND SLAM!
I guess Dicky B was off by one batter. So awesome!
TOP OF 2nd (5-0, Twins):
Hilarious, Teahen has “Circle Me Bert” on the wrists of his batting gloves!
7-0, White Sox? Am I in Heaven?
BOTTOM OF 2nd (5-0, Twins):
Commercial break and the Sox score one more.
Um, bases loaded, new Royals pitcher, and they still walk Cuddyer. Well, uhh, whatever you gotta do, guys.
Oh look, another two runs.
TOP OF 3rd (7-0, Twins):
Oh. I forgot there’s a game going on.
BOTTOM OF 3rd (7-0, Twins):
“Just keep winning ballgames and hope you get some help from the White Sox,” says Bert. So far, I’d say we’re doing just that.
1-2-3 inning.
BOTTOM OF 4th (8-0, Twins):
Kubel cranks a huuuuge homer – very deep and very high. Wow.
Sweet Jesus, Delmon drove in 5 of the 8 runs? I guess we have to get Mijares to piss him off more often.
Um, hello Harris. Hits a double of the Stanley sign, drives in Cuddyer. Sexual Harris-ment, FTW!
Another run hit in by De
lmon. I’m pretty sure he’s making up for the suckitude earlier.
Awesome, just awesome.
TOP OF 5th (10-0, Twins):
Oops, KC scores one run. EVERYBODY PANIC!
Oh, and another run. Hope we don’t get careless now.
BOTTOM OF 5th (10-2, Twins):
Eh.
TOP OF 6th (10-2, Twins):
Unfortunately, this game is getting less interesting since we’re pretty much assured a win.
The ‘Ship sets sail into the sunset, hopefully picking up his first Major League win. But OH SNAP, CRAINWRECK?!
Yeah, and he’s choking pretty well. Bases loaded. Oh cool, and two runs scored.
Hahaha, the foul ball landed in this dude’s cup, and he gave a cheers and took a drink.
Oh cool, more runs! 10-5.
And Ma-hay-hey gets the final out. Gross.
BOTTOM OF 6th (10-5, Twins):
At this point I gotta give a shout-out to by partner in crime, J-Schoon, who last weekend drew my attention to why “K” stands for a strikeout. Not so much that, but why there’s backwards K’s and regular K’s. So, three K’s would be rather offensive to a lot of people, so is that why there’s backward ones, we wondered? Nope. Turns out, a friend told J-Pain that a backwards K means caught them looking. DUH.
1-2-3 inning.
TOP OF 7th (10-5, Twins):
I feel weird longing for the innings when Manship was pitching. But now Keppel is in, and so far so good.
BAM, inning over.
BOTTOM OF 7th (10-5, Twins):
WOW, Tolbert with a triple.
But a 1-2-3 inning? WHUH?
TOP OF 8th (10-5, Twins):
Okay, things are unraveling quickly, and they put in Mijares. Yes, that pitcher that fired up Delmon, who was fined $500 for last night, who almost started WWIII: Midwest Edition.
NO WAY. MIJARES HITS THE BATTER. And then almost beans the next. Wow. Just wow. Guerrier is warming up, bases are loaded.
And Mijares gets the first batter out. Cool, because I just had a stroke.
And he lets two go. 10-7, and two on base. Wow.
BOTTOM OF 8th (10-7, Twins):
SO, uhh … this is not what I pictured in the 5th.
The crowd chants “MVP” as Mauer takes the plate. Love it.
1-2-3 inning, though. And J-Nate returns. Please, I already went into cardiac arrest today; no funny business.
TOP OF 9th (10-7, Twins):
2 outs, 0-1 to the batter … 2-2 … 3-2! … and TOLBERT CATCHES IT FTW!
FINAL: 10-7, Twins
VERDICT:
Why must our bullpen constantly give me a vapors? Why must we almost blow a 10-0 lead? Oh well. The point being, WE WON. TIGERS LOST. Love it!
It’s do or die time.
Twins @ Tigers
Game 4 of 4
1b: Cuddyer
2b: Punto
3b: Harris
Ss: Cabrera
RF: Kubel
CF: Span
LF: Young
C: Redmond
Pitching: Baker, Rauch, Mahay, Guerrier, Mijares, Nathan
PRE-GAME:
Already having a heart attack. Hoping to not let Detroit clinch their first title in 22 years, since I’m stingy and don’t like to share things. Like ALC titles from year to year.
TOP OF 1st:
Span is out very quicky. Ohhhh, no.
Joe “Apparently I Tip Pitches” Mauer is the DH today. Um. Pops up for the 2nd out.
Uh, 1-2-3 inning. I’m scared.
BOTTOM OF 1st (0-0):
Jim Leyland cracks me up. My dad tells me stories of back in the day when you could smoke in the dugouts, and if the Tigers were down, he’d be chain-smoking pack after pack and screaming at the players. MY HERO!
The sun in Detroit is insane today. Hopefully it blinds all the Tigers in the outfield. I mean, GOOD GAME! BEST WISHES! SPORTSMANSHIP!
Okay, so MLBlogs censors your naughty-talk, so I’m going to have to come up with some substitutions for swears. Such as: SON OF A BENCH, why has Baker given up two hits and let runners get on the corners?
Eh, Baker strands the runners. Okay, Shake-N-Bake, keep that up.
TOP OF 2nd (0-0):
Agh, Kubel’s thrown out at 1st.
I’m wearing my Crede shirt, which makes me miss my little ginger-snap. He was one of my favorite Twins … all five games that he actually played.
And Harris doesn’t even put up a fight. Oh and then Granderson, AKA The Beast, catches Reddy’s hit. I may need to just pretend this game isn’t happening.
BOTTOM OF 2nd (0-0):
WOW. Looks like we picked up some Little League player named “Young” for the outfield. Nice.
So far it looks like Baker’s trying to give away the game.
Wow, the hecklers in Detroit are INTENSE.
Tigers score the first run, unsurprisingly.
TOP OF 3rd (0-1, Tigers):
Oooh, Span nailed by a pitch. He looks PIST.
“You gotta know that Punto can fly.” On the back of a unicorn, perhaps?
Mauer bats in Little Nicky and ties the game.
Whoa, Cuddy bats another in … do I smell a rally?
Fly ball brings in Dreamyburns.
Aw ship, Cuddy’s thrown out at third. But hey – hello lead?!
BOTTOM OF 3rd (3-1, TWINS):
Everyone looks like a super-dork with both eye-black and sunglasses. I’m looking at you, Kubel and Punto.
I’m still laughing at all these stories about Mauer stealing signs. I think that these two stories have a pretty good rebuttal to all of it.
Uneventful.
TOP OF 4th (3-1, Twins):
Throw gets by Inge and Harris takes 1st. And Reddy gets a hit! And Baby Nick moves them to 2nd and 3rd with a sac bunt! WORD!
Oh, nice, Span hits Harris in from 3rd. 4-1!
BOTTOM OF 4th (4-1, Twins):
Baker nails Thames with a pitch. Only his arm, but I don’t see Bake do that sort of thing often.
Thames takes out his slide on Cabrera – O-Cab and Thames are having words. Oy. Replay shows he obviously misses the bag and tries to slide into Cabrera.
Bases loaded with two outs. PUT HIM AWAY, BAKE! And Reddy catches a straight-up pop! LOVE IT.
TOP OF 5th (4-1, Twins):
Apparently Cabrera is still upset in the dugout, explaining what happened. In reality, watching that replay a few times, Thames is blatantly trying to slide nowhere NEAR the bag and HARD into O-Cab. Luckily he hopped over Thames‘ body on time.
Whoa, very quick 1-2-3 inning.
BOTTOM OF 5th (4-1, Twins):
Double-play, babies!
And Thames comes up for another piece from Baker. The funny part is Bert was hinting that maybe Thames needs to get nailed by a pitch again … haha. Another pitch sails by his face … Redmond has to tell him it was off-speed.
If Baker so much as taps Thames‘ cleat with a pitch, there will be blood. But he gets him looking, so uh, no brawls this inning.
TOP OF 6th (4-1, Twins):
I have a feeling some Twin is gonna get beaned this inning.
Or not.
BOTTOM OF 6th (4-1, Twins):
O HAI BIG RAUCH. OK BYE BIG RAUCH.
Ma-hay-hey? Jesus. But he holds it down for a scoreless inning.
TOP OF 7th (4-1, Twins):
Little Nicky spanks one into left. HELLO.
Oh, nice. Span drills it into right for a double and Punto moves to 3rd. Jim Leyland out to the mound again … haha.
Heard some heckler yell, “Cuddyer with a K, baby!” Kuddyer? That IS mildly amusing. And he does strike out.
Now’s the time to shine, Kubel. Bases loaded!
AHAH. Some guy on Twitter: “I’m certain Cuddyer struck out because of the guy yelling ‘Cuddyer with a K, baby…Cuddyer with a K!‘”
Aw, Kubel with a K strikes out.
BOTTOM OF 7th (4-1, Twins):
Whoooaaa, Le Warrior, what are you pitching here?
Oh you’re KIDDING. Guerrier, Harris, and Cuddyer go after a pop up over the mound – Harris and Cuddyer call Guerrier off, he doesn’t hear and Harris grabs for it, DROPPING IT.
Oh boy Leyland on the field after a double play where Santiago gets doubled off.
TOP OF 8th (4-1, Twins):
Young gets a nice single to start the 8th.
Span up with two runners on. I like where this is going … and Leyland makes a pitching change, putting Seay in. WHO?
Full count, aaaand … WALKED!
Bases loaded for Cabrera. AND HE HITS IT OFF THE WALL! THREE RUNS SCORED!
OH MAN, Mauer bats Cabrera in. Seven run lead? If we gotta …
So all the bad things I’ve said about the White Sox? Yeah I take it all back. Sweep the effing Tigers this weekend. Win your faces off.
BOTTOM OF 8th (8-1, Twins):
So you’re SAYIN there’s a chance!
…
A chance of another error despite Harris taken off of 3rd and replaced by Tolbert? Yes.
Mijares replaces Le Warrior.
Oh boy … Leyland in the ump’s face about Mijares almost nailing a batter and getting a warning. This should end well …
He’s ejected, and the Tigers are crawling back with 2 unearned runs.
TOP OF 9th (8-3, Twins):
Young gets nailed in the knee by the first pitch! Laird is ejected. Delmon is PISSED, and points angrily toward the Twins‘ dugout.
BENCHES CLEAR! But no punches thrown. God, I’d give it all to see Joe Nathan punch out Verlander or Nick Punto headbutt ANYONE.
BOTTOM OF 9th (8-3, Twins):
J-Nate up in this weird game. Shut it down.
A walk. Oh, God. I think Nathan needs a vacay.
And with a fly ball caught by Young, we win!
FINAL: 8-3, Twins
VERDICT:
Double you tee eff. This is probably one of the most tense, weird games I’ve EVER seen involving the Twins.
I offer this gem from Journey:
DOOOON’T STOP, BE-LIEEEE-VIN!
Ahh, nostalgia:
LiveBlog: Double header @ DET
TWINS @ TIGERS
Double-header!
11:05 pm CT
1B: Cuddyer
2B: Punto
3B: Tolbert
SS: Cabrera
RF: Kubel
CF: Span
LF: Young
C: Mauer
PITCHING:
- Blackburn (7 inns), Mijares, Rauch, Nathan
PRE-GAME:
I’ve never seen a double-header involving the Twins before. Kinda excited, kinda scared … these games today are a BIG deal.
Porcello vs. Blackburn, eh?
TOP OF 1st:
I hate that weird little dirt path from home to the mound.
Mauer 20 points ahead of Ichiro … can we say MVP?
1-2-3 inning. BOO.
BOTTOM OF 1st (0-0):
Tigers lead off with a double. Oh, splendid!
Blackie, rockin’ the scruffy beard. Me likey. I’m hoping it can stop him from sucking like he is now … just walked a dude, players on the corners and two out.
Okay, sweet, 3 outs and no score.
TOP OF 2nd (0-0):
Kubel nails the pitcher. TAKE THAT, DETROIT.
Oh look, a double play. I never would’ve thought the TWINS would hit into a double play. I may pass out from shock.
Another 1-2-3-ish inning.
BOTTOM OF 2nd (0-0):
OHHHH, Blackbeard nails Laird! That’s terrible.
Inge. Runners on the corners again. One out. I may vomit.
One run scores after the ball bounces off the glove of Cuddyer.
I have a feeling this game is going to be a dirty little battle, eventually resulting in a huge brawl sometime after the 6th.
Again, runners on the corners. Hope I don’t have to type that anymore this game, BLACKBURN. And the inning ends with the hit bouncing right to him.
TOP OF 3rd (0-1, Tigers):
Someone just posted on Twitter Chuck Knoblauch has been accused of beating his wife. Oh, no bueno.
LITTLE NICKY WITH A HIT??! Holy F, Span and Nicky are keeping the inning alive!
2 outs, Cabrera is up, aaand … pops one up for the last out. But hey, we’re showing proof we’re still alive in this thing.
BOTTOM OF 3rd: (0-1, Tigers):
C’mon, Blackbeard. He’s been shaky today, and I hope he can pull it together before I start to cry tears of blood over this game.
Nope, two on and no outs. If I could reach through the TV and slap Blackie right now, that’d be great.
OH SNAP, good throw to Mauer to get the out at home! MOAR OUTS PLZ!
Blackburn’s first strikeout in the 3rd? Oh, man. It’s gonna be a long game.
BEASTY throw and catch by Cabrera and Cuddyer to end the inning!
TOP OF 4th (0-1, Tigers):
Cuddyer nailed in the right elbow. That brawl seems more and more realistic … but seriously, can you IMAGINE the craziness of a Twins vs. Tigers baseball fight? Oh man.
Agh, we had a chance there with two on base and Morales up, but it didn’t work out. We need some serious hits, and soon.
BOTTOM OF 4th (0-1 Tigers):
Why can we hit into a million double plays but can’t seem to make them when it counts?
Nice – Tolbert gets the foul territory pop-up for the 2nd out. Good job Tolbert, but I wish you were Crede.
Blackie wiggles his way out of trouble again … thanks for the three heart attacks! Strikes out POLANCO, of all people, swinging.
TOP OF 5th (0-1, Tigers):
Beasty double by Tolbert, AKA Baby Morneau.
Denard Span is super adorable. At bat, and he hits a sac fly to bring Baby Morneau in – GAME TIED!
BOTTOM OF 5th (1-All):
Little Nicky snatches a pop-up right in front of Kubel for the first out.
Tolbert grabs a liner, two outs!
Whoa. QUICK 1-2-3 inning.
TOP OF 6th (1-All):
Aw, Mauer! Stop popping up, Dreamyburns!
Cuddy keeps it alive with a base hit and two outs.
And then Delmon gets the third out. Ouch.
BOTTOM OF 6th (1-All):
There is a TERRIBLE heckler in Detroit. Baseball hecklers (except ones for Pierzynski) should have a special place in Hell.
Blackbeard strikes out Guillen. That’s the Blackie I like to see.
ANOTHER 1-2-3 inning, and Blackie is finding his footing. Love it!
TOP OF 7th (1-All):
Polanco misses a roller by Morales … I love the annoying tenacity of the Twins right now!
Whoa, hey, Casilla’s pinch running? Tolbert gets him to 2nd with a sac bunt.
Some obnoxious heckler, again, is chanting “YOU SUCK” at Punto. And then Porcello walks him. Shut you up now, huh? Leyland comes in to make a pitching change.
Padre Orlando up with runners on 1st and 2nd … the crowd is on their feet and … SWINGING STRIKE? Craaaaap.
BOTTOM OF 7th (1-All):
Two outs already, and The Beard has 2-2 on Polanco. Super happy Gardy’s kept him pitching this deep into the game … well, for now.
3-2 … Tolbert nabs his hit and throws him out at 1st. Well done, Blackkkkburn.
TOP OF 8th (1-All):
Hey Mauer – you’re in a really important game. You should, uh, probably start going back to being awesome now. THANKS!
So is Detroit just full of a-holes? The same d-bag was heckling Mauer and then Kubel. Oh, and now Cuddyer.
Two outs, and Delmon’s up … and he pops up. Ew.
BOTTOM OF 8th (1-All):
Mijares is pitching now, Gomez is in center, Kubel is taken out and Span moves to right.
And they take Mijares out for Huge Mr. Rauch. Eh, 1-2-3 inning works for me.
TOP OF 9th (1-All):
I would love to see some hits this inning. Hear that, Twins? I HAVE A FEVER. AND THE ONLY PRECRIPTION – IS MOAR HITZ!
O HAI, Casilla. Cracks a sweet, sweet double off of the fence! AHHHHH!
Sac bunt by Tolbert makes me happyyyyy - Casilla moves to 3rd!
NOOOOO! Failed squeeze by Punto results in a double play! WHAT NOW??
BOTTOM OF 9th (1-All):
Punto, full of fail. Please, please, please Rauch, stop this insanity.
Winning run in scoring position. I might be having a stroke and a heart attack at the same time.
Inge is up. I hate this dude.
TWO OUTS TWO OUT C’MON C’MON C’MON PLEASE TWINS GET THE WIN!!!!
SPAAAAN! GETS THE FINAL OUT! EXTRA INNINGS!!
TOP OF 10th (1-All):
CockerSpaniol leads off with a dribbler up the middle. I pretty much am in love with him. That’s it, I’m buying his jersey tonight. Or proposing.
Ball gets away form the catcher and my future husband scurries to 2nd.
HAPPENS AGAIN and Span hits 3rd!
O-CAB HITS SPAN IN! 2-1! I JUST SEIZURED! WEEE!
C’mon, Dreamyburns, you’re due for a nice hit! And he’s WALKED?
IW Cuddyer, for some reason. Young is up with bases loaded … oh, that’s why.
AND YOUNG SAC FLIES A RUN IN! 3-1, GET SOOOOME!
BOTTOM OF 10th (3-1, TWINS!):
Holy F. J-Nate’s in the game. AND THE LEADOFF BATTER HOMERS.
PLEASE JOE NATHAN, DON’T BLOW T
HIS SAVE!
Oh, Gomez with a sick sick sick catch! One out!
YES! DELMON! Another catch and two outs!
COME ON JOE NATHAN, GET CABRERA OUT! AND HE DOES!!!!!!
FINAL: Twins 3, Tigers 2, Heart-attacks 2, Strokes 5.
VERDICT: Wow. This is gonna be some serious battle the next three games. So excited for tonight. Although I don’t know if m heart can take it …
Agony: A feeling all too familiar to Twins fans
1b: Cuddyer 2b: Punto 3b: Harris SS: Cabrera
RF: Span CF: Gomez LF: Young C: Mauer
Pitching:
- Duensing (7 shutout innings), Keppel (1 shutout inning), Nathan
TOP OF 1ST:
Kubel out with a sore neck, and Morneau out with a sprained ovary. I mean sore wrist, or something. Cuddyer takes over 1st and CREDE is the DH … !
Quick top of the inning, thanks to Duensing, who hopefully will not choke.
BOTTOM OF 1ST (0-0):
So seriously, Crede is back, sorta?
Bases loaded, and Cuddy manages to bring in two runs. Maybe I speak too soon when I say: WHAT IS HAPPENING WE’RE PLAYING WELL WTF I DON’T GET IT!
We are amazing at double plays … well, batting into them. 133 of them to be exact – the most in the AL. WE’RE #1! WE’RE #1!
Another run batted in, making it 3-0 for us.
TOP OF 2ND (3-0, Twins):
WHAT. Did I just hear “Garciaparra?” How did I not know NOMAAAAH was with the A’s??
I still can’t really tell Manship and Deunsing apart when I look at them. Observe:
Differences: uhhh, one smiles?
And after loading the bases, one of the guys above ends the inning with no damage done. Good job, Man … sing? Duenship?
Royal flush.
1B: Cuddyer (!)
2B: Casilla
3B: Crede
SS: Cabrera
RF: Span
CF: Gomez
LF: Young
C: Mauer
PITCHING:
- Blackburn
- Guerrier
- Mijares
- Nathan
PRE-GAME:
Morneau is still out with an inner-ear infection. When he first left the game the other day, I told someone it was “acute maple-syrup poisoning.” AND THEY BELIEVED ME.
EEE! Kubel talking with Dicky B! You know … he’s kind of a robot. Just once I’d like to see him smile or laugh or joke or … well, make any sort of movement with his face.
Dude … those wings look GOOD.
OMG – Ron Coomer is filling in for my Bert this weekend?? NOOOOOOOOOO!
Gratuitous Crede shot! YESSSSSSS!
David “The Jesus” DeJesus - we meet again. Along with Chone Figgins, he has one of my favorite names in baseball. Coco Crisp doesn’t count, because he sounds like a cereal.
TOP O’ THE FIRST:
“So you’re saying it was hot [in Texas?]” Yes, Ron. It’s hot there. Hot like their pitchers … specifically that hot slice Mr. Wilson. It was weird watching him pitch to us because I wanted the Twins to win, but at the same time I wanted C.J. to take his shirt off. A mix of emotions.
And we do nothing. Boo.
BOTTOM O’ THE FIRST (0-0):
Hooooly crap – 2 outs, Butler with 1-2 count, and he slams one into the stands. Oh, Blackburn. And the walks the next guy. And then Callaspo (Collapse-O) gets a single. WITH TWO OUTS. AAAAAGH!!!
And we leave two on, at least.
TOP O’ THE SECOND (1-0, Royals):
Umm, weirdo in bright green in the crowd? Like, covered head to foot in a bright green body-sock. And Dicky B says, “I hope that isn’t a Minnesotan.” Honestly … it probably was.
Aw, and Cuddyer hits into a double play. SAVE US, JOE CREDE! And he doesn’t.
BOTTOM O’ THE SECOND (1-0, Royals):
Oh weird, 1-2-3 inning for Blackie.
TOP O’ THE THIRD (1-0, Royals):
God, Gomez is such a spaz. A lovable spaz.
Good Lord, those 1979 Pirates uniforms were absolutely heinous. And a young Blyleven. Awww.
And we’re terrible, the end.
BOTTOM O’ THE THIRD (1-0, Royals):
ARE YOU EFFING SERIOUS? ANOTHER HOME RUN?? I’m already sooooo annoyed with our pitching. I feel like we have all these great players, and then we’re losing all these games because our pitching staff is completely inept. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?? We were great in June, and then in late July we just start choking over and over.
Blackburn gets nailed by the ball. By all means, take him out. Oh wait, then he’d just be replaced by another joke of a pitcher. FROWN.
Oh, CUDDYER! A bad throw to third and another run is scored. Now is one of those times I wish these blogs weren’t edited, because there would be a healthy string of expletives. Ugh.
TOP O’ THE FOURTH (3-0, Royals):
I have a bad feeling about tonight’s game. Our batting is not looking too nice right now. COME ON, BOYS, PRETEND YOU’RE PLAYING THE WHITE SOX/BREWERS!
And The Jesus catchers Mauer’s attempt. Boooo.
BOTTOM O’ THE FOURTH (3-0, Royals):
Blackie hits ‘em with the slider. Do that again. And again. Please.
TOP O’ THE FIFTH (3-0, Royals):
I forgot I was still watching this game. Apparently we still suck.
BOTTOM O’ THE FIFTH (3-0, Royals):
Here’s a fun fact: Kansas City is called “The City of Fountains.” Another fun fact: I don’t care about fountains.
Ahaha, the Aflac duck scared the bajeesus out of Ron. It’s okay, Coom, it terrifies me too.
Oh hey, 1-2-3 inning.
TOP O’ THE SIXTH (3-0, Royals):
OOohhh, Gomez gets a one-out single. I know that’s sad to be excited about, but um … I’m a Twins fan, so really we take anything we can get.
Bad throw and Gomez gets to third. YES.
Casilla (!) gets a nasty double down the right field line, bringing in Gomez. Um, FINALLY. Only one out, too. And he steals third!
And heeeeeere’s Denard! Hit into the right field corner, Casilla runs it in, the outfielder fumbles with the ball like a teenager at their first make-out party, and Span runs in! TIIIIIIIED!
Oh, that poor outfielder. I mean, YAY, good work on sucking and helping us score, but that’s a bummer. I bet he feels super dumb.
Oh funny, a “Let’s go, Mauer” chant is clearly audible in Kaufman, answered by a “Let’s go Royals” chant. Don’t be stupid, Royals fans, you can’t drown out Mauer’s awesomeness. Cranks a nice one to right for a single.
Kuuuuuu-beellllll!! Aw sad, pop fly ends the inning.
I love these 6th-inning rallies we seem to get going lately. Keep that up, sirs.
BOTTOM O’ THE SIXTH (3-All):
Holy crap. Suddenly Blackburn is a strike-machine.
And this Mauer-Nathan commercial really warms my heart. I love how my future mother-in-law makes an appearance. One day, Joe, you will be mine.
TOP O’ THE SEVENTH (3-All):
1-2-3. Aw.
BOTTOM O’ THE SEVENTH (3-All):
Guerrierieirerrr and Mijares are warming up. HOLY MOSES, Mijares had an amazing night the other night against the Rangers. I was totally shocked, after pretty much writing him off.
Blackburn ends the 7th well. Wow, didn’t expect that.
TOP O’ THE EIGHTH (3-All):
Gomez hits to center, leading off. Sac-bunt from Casilla gets him to second base. Span bats him in with a double! WHAT’S UP NOW, KC??
Span on second … I think it’s time for some Mauer Pauer. Oh, just kidding, the Royals are scared and intentionally walk him. And then Kubel is thrown out. Awww.
BOTTOM O’ THE EIGHTH (3-4, Twins):
Oh Jeez, Guerrier is in. Oh, I guess not for long. Heeeeeere’s Mijares.
Oh cute, Mijares gave the guys on the team a cigar because he just had a baby! Adorable, because he didn’t know the tradition of the have a baby, get a cigar thing and Gardy had to explain it to him. Oh, Venezuelans, will you ever learn?
Ha ha, Bloomquist, caught you stealing!
TOP O’ THE NINTH (3-4, Twins):
AHHHHHH JOE NATHAN WARMING UP!!
Jesus, Crede, you’ve been kinda blah lately.
Well, since we have a one-run lead, I hope Mr. Nathan can hold it down. The Twins losing? To the Royals? It’s more likely than you think.
BOTTOM O’ THE NINTH (3-4, Twins):
J-NATE!
And there’s these little hooligans at the game, probably 8 years old, shirtless and screeching. Look, future frat boys!
We really need to clone Nathan to form a new pitching staff. Yo, science: help us out. Also, another fun fact: J-Nate is on Twitter!
Frick. Full count, aaaaand … HOME RUN? TIE GAME??!
OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD, ALMOST ANOTHER HOMER … AHHHHHHHHHH! Oh, Nathan, save the game – please!
My God – on to the 10th …
TOP O’ THE TENTH (4-All):
Poop. This game was in the bag, and now look at us. BUT WE CAN’T LOSE!
Crain warming up, are you serious? Ugh.
Nice hit, Casilla. I love ‘Lexi.
Cabrera: now would be the time to get a really good hit. OMG OMG OMG BLOOMQUIST FUMBLES AGAIN! ALEXI SCORES! CABRERA ON THIRD! Psh, of course they intentionally walk Mauer, and the crowd boos. Twins on the corners, and Kubel is up.
Dear Jason Kubel, I like you. I really do. But now’s the time to make it rain. So do it, please. Your Pal, Alicia.
Agh, a good little hit, but Padre Orlando can’t score as Kubel is thrown out at first.
Nathan’s still pitching?! MONEEEEEEEY!
BOTTOM O’ THE TENTH (5-4, Twins):
One quick out. I’m scared. I tried counting how many times Nathan does the little horse-puff thing when he’s about to throw, but I lost count at like 15.
Chokequist is up. Booooooo!
C’mon, J-Nate, just two more outs and we can end this epic battle, which I don’t know why in the first place we are seriously battling the ROYALS.
Double play, please? Or a pop fly for the second out. EEEEEEE!
46 pitches for Nathan, and Crain is all warmed up – but Nathan wants to do it. Cute!
Last strike … aaaaand … several more fouls … AND SPAN CATCHES IT! GAME OVERRRR!
FINAL:
5-4, Twins – 10 frickin’ innings!
POST-GAME:
Cabrera talks to Ian or whatever that guy’s name is (I call him Little LaPanta). I love Padre Orlando. Nice job on that triple.
Okay, and EW with that bug on Ron’s mic … !
Denard!
VERDICT:
Well, let’s see: Blackburn was terrible at first, then a little wobbly, then pulled it together. Cabrera, Casilla, and Span did some good leg-work, and even though we won, I think we can mostly attribute that to some terrible fielding by the Royals (ahem, BLOOMQUIST). But Joe Nathan: you are amazing. Scary, though, that he couldn’t pull off that save in the 9th, but at least he took care of it an inning later. So, uhh, way to almost get beat by the Royals, boys …
Touched by some Angels.
1B: Morneau
2B: Punto
3B: Crede
SS: CABRERA!
RF: Span
CF: Gomez
LF: Young
C: Redmond
DH: Mauer
PITCHING:
- Swarzak
- Dickey
- Keppel
- Crain
PRE-GAME:
Please, for the love of all that is baseball, don’t let us choke like we did last night …
35W bridge collapse, now two years ago … I remember hearing about it and immediately wondering where my dad was and where my friends who live in Mpls were. Luckily all were okay. Oh, and by the way I guess we have a new shortstop …
Also, this lineup is inneresting. Young is back in the game after like dropping off the face of the Earth. Baby Nicky is taking over 2nd, making room for New Jack Cabrera at short. Also, Redmond is behind home plate, and Mauer takes over the designated hitter spot.
TOP O’ THE FIRST:
Um, that was quick.
BOTTOM O’ THE FIRST (0-0):
Cabrera gets a nice round of applause from the crowd. That’s Minnesota Nice for you. Ooh, and he has a nice little bat-wavy-thing pre-swing. But he’s out. Aw.
Anyone else notice yesterday that the guys seem to have gotten haircuts and tamed the weird facial hair? Mauer looks freshly cut, Crede is missing his shagginess and little goatee thing, and I think it was Crain who had less of his weird chin-beard thing as well.
Aaand another 1-2-3 situation. NEAT.
TOP O’ THE SECOND (0-0):
“He said yesterday, ‘Who doesn’t like M&Ms?’” Little LaPanta reporter guy said, apparently quoting Cabrera, who sat by Mauer and Morneau during his first stretch with the team and were the first teammates he talked to. Uhhh …
AHHH! Crede totally fumbles with the ball on an easy play to first for the second out. Not my Jooeee!
Aww, Torii says that although he likes it out west with the Angels, he still considers Minnesota “home.” COME BACK!
Oh, damn. Two runs scored.
BOTTOM O’ THE SECOND (2-0, Angels):
Oh, Harris, lookin’ fine in the dugout.
“Hi, pretty girl,” said Bert to a little girl that was all up in the camera. CUTE!
Redmond hits in a run, and Gomez gets a triple to bring Redmond in, tying the game. Niiiice.
TOP O’ THE THIRD (2-2):
Gross, three runs scored. A nice double play to end it.
BOTTOM O’ THE THIRD (5-2, Angels):
Cabrera shows his worth with a badass double down the right foul line, taking Span to 3rd. Looove it!
Mauer bats in Span, and Morneau bats in Cabrera. We’re catching up, 4-5!
TOP O’ THE FOURTH (5-4, Angels):
Oh neat, another run. Bye bye, Swarzak. Hello … Dickey?? Oh God, here we go …
ARE YOU KIDDING?? LOADED BASES??!! WHY do we have to have an absolutely defective pitching staff? Well, the inning ends without more damage, but REALLY, R.A.?? I’m gonna vom all over the place if this keeps up.
BOTTOM O’ THE FOURTH (6-4, Angels):
Okay, just gotta get this off my chest: Chone Figgins is arguably the best name in baseball.
Gomez steals 2nd, but the ball gets away from the 2nd baseman and Gomez gets nailed in the face. Ouch. But he’s okay, folks.
TOP O’ THE FIFTH (6-4, Angels):
Um … weird that I’m saying this now, but … well done, Dickey.
BOTTOM O’ THE FIFTH (6-4, Angels):
Eh.
TOP O’ THE SIXTH (6-4, Angels):
3-run homer. I need a Xanax.
OH PERFECT, A SOLO HOME RUN.
Am I having a nightmare? Another home run this inning.
BOTTOM O’ THE SIXTH (11-4, Angels):
I’ve pretty much resigned from watching the game, and instead I am looking online for lamp shades. That’s right.
Redmond = beast.
TOP O’ THE SEVENTH (11-4, Angels):
The top of the inning is ended by an AMAZING catch by Gomez waaaaay back in center field. Dude is pure gold.
BOTTOM O’ THE SEVENTH (11-4, Angels):
MORNEAUMER!!! Awesome.
BOTTOM O’ THE EIGHTH (11-5, Angels):
Whoa whoa whoa WHOA … Punto scores and Span makes it to 3rd? DANG.
The crowd’s busting out the rally caps, but in vain … Mauer pops one up for the third out.
TOP O’ THE NINTH (11-6, Angels):
Nice work, boys. FINALLY.
BOTTOM O’ THE NINTH (11-6, Angels):
Hm. Nothing notable, other than the game is over and we’re back at 500. Grrrrreat!
FINAL:
11-6, Angels.
VERDICT:
My concern is with poor new guy Cabrera.
“Hey Orlando, we’re gonna trade you to the Twins.”
“Oh … okay.”
“Yeah, trust us, it’ll be great. You’ll take the team to new heights.”
“If you say so. Hello, Minnesota!”
[after tonight's game]
“Hey guys? Um … is it too late to jump ship? Yeah? Daaaamn.”
So welcome, new guy. Welcome to a team of awful pitching, questionable fielding and hot-and-cold batting. Enjoy your stay!
But, hey, there were still some highlights.
1. Morneaumer
2. Redmond, getting all beasty.
3. Cabrera looking pretty good on the field and at bat
4. Little Nicky Punto with some good hits.
5. Chone Figgins is a real name and person.
So here’s to tomorrow’s game, which will contain less fail – hopefully.
Carry on, my wayward son.
Well now, looks like the Twins got their affairs
in order last night to win 2-1 against the Royals. “2 to
1,” you may point out, “that’s like the saddest score ever.”
Well at this point, a win is a win, especially against the Royals, who I still have
no idea why we lost to in the first place. They’re at least 9 games
behind the Tigers, and we’re something like 4 behind.
Anyway, the funny part is even the Twins website recognizes
how we hardly won with this awesome headline: “Twins find just enough
offense in win.“ HAHAH. Just enough to beat a terrible
team. Oh well, at least it looks
like Justin Morneau is back in the business of home runs:
Justin
Morneau hit a
426-foot solo home run on a 2-2 pitch from Bannister that splashed into the top level of
fountains in right-center field in the fourth inning. Morneau’s 19th homer of the season knotted the
game at 1 and erased Baker’s early damage in the contest.
…
Morneau, who before Sunday had not hit a
homer since June 9, has homered in three straight games. It’s the first time
he’s done that since May 3-8, 2005, when he went deep in four straight
contests.
Three in a row? I’m
very much okay with three games, three Morneaumers. Hopefully he can get a fourth in the
game that’s currently happening today.
Speaking of which, checking in:
TOP OF 6th (3-0, Twins):
In the 2nd, Cuddyer was able to crank
his 14th homer, bringing us ahead 1-0.
In the 3rd, Crede reaches on an error
by the Royals and Mauer runs another one in.
And in this inning, Mauer hits a single to get Gomez in, making the
score 3-0.
I’d love to actually be watching THIS game, as opposed to the
last two sad ones, but instead it’s the radio for me. I heard a commercial with Joe Nathan for Kemps, in which
he said he likes to down chocolate milk after a game to keep him strong. Right.
And KC scores, thanks to DeJesus running one
in. That is the best last name
ever, but only if you pronounce it the English way.
The Royals have two errors this game; the Twins have 30-something
errors this year, which is actually 47 LESS than the Royals.
BOTTOM OF 6th (3-1, Twins):
I’m totally bummed that I don’t get to actually watch this game,
because the Twins have a day off tomorrow and my life has no meaning without live
baseball. I’m kidding of course …
or AM I?
TOP OF 7th (3-1, Twins):
Quick 1-2-3 inning for Cuddyer, Crede, and Morales.
BOTTOM OF 7th (3-1, Twins):
Oh, Jesus: Harris replaces Punto at shortstop, and Buscher replaces Morneau at first. FOR SERIOUSLY? Why don’t you just go grab someone out
of the crowd to play first?
Although that switch happened, Harris and Buscher manage to get DeJesus (“THE JESUS!”) for
the third out.
TOP OF 8th (3-1, Twins):
WHOA WHOA WHOA. Redmond, apparently, left
the game with an injured hand/wrist; Punto left with an injured back; and Morneau left on account of
his groin. This is REALLY bad.
Span gets a single, and then steals a base. Oh look, and Tolbert gets a double
after that … aaaand Span scores. 4-1!
Mauer is intentionally walked. That would be truly annoying, to go up to bat and be like,
“welp, guess I won’t try …” And Bale replaces Tejada.
Bases loaded and Cuddy’s up … and he’s walked?! And Tolbert scores.
BOTTOM OF 8th (5-1, Twins):
Dickey replaces Perkins. Knuckleballin’, yo.
And nothing exciting happens, BYE.
TOP OF 9th (5-1, Twins):
And all our batters strike out and totally suck. I have this feeling we may win, though …
BOTTOM OF 9th (5-1, Twins):
Two outs and a walk, first and second occupied, aaaand … Joe Nathan swoops in??
Nathan versus The Jesus … 2-2, and then five fouls in a row.
10 pitches later, Nathan strikes out TheJesus, and the Twins win.
Better game than the last two; we take the series and are TWO games above 500 – finally! A day off before the boys take on the Tigers at the ‘Dome. Peace out, Kansas City!
Royally Screwed.
1B: MORNEAU
2B: PUNTO (!)
3B: BUSCHER
SS: HARRIS
RF: CUDDYER
CF: SPAN
LF: YOUNG
C: MAUER
PITCHING:
- BLACKBURN
PRE-GAME:
Oh, Denard. You are awesome on camera.
Also, any blog title about the KC Royals from this point on will be a Kansas lyric … because really, there’s only that one song about Kansas City and I already used it. And Kansas (the band) is sweet. Excuse me, I’m going to go hop in my Camero and grow a mullet now …
TOP O’ THE FIRST:
Morneau looks huge in this camera angle. I mean, he’s tall, but like ESPECIALLY gigantic tonight. Could be the wacky angle, like I said. Or maybe he and his brother Luigi found a mushroom or two while scaling pipes, saving princesses, and killing turtles … I’ll stop now.
Ooh, that was an un-productive at-bat for the Twins. Ouch.
BOTTOM O’ THE FIRST (0-0):
Um excuse me, WTF? Where’s Crede? Buscher on 3rd? Okay, actually, I’ve talked some bad noise about Buscher, when really he’s not an awful player. That homer a week or two ago shut me up REAL fast.
And the first non-eventful inning goes by.
TOP O’ THE SECOND (0-0):
An anagram for “Delmon Young” is “Demon lung, yo!” I don’t know what that has to do with anything, but I think it’s pretty awesome. I also looked up “Nick Punto” but the results are a bit dirty … observe.
BOTTOM O’ THE SECOND (0-0):
Lookin’ fly, Blackburn.
There are some absolutely LOUD fans behind home plate. Or at least near a mike.
OH SNAP. One run scored because of an awful error by Cuddyer. The ball gets past Morneau, Cuddy nabs it and chucks it to an imaginary fourth outfielder in extreme left field. Bummer. It’s okay Cuddy, just don’t do it again or have fun in the minors!
I hate this Pepsi commercial with the “Forever Young” song remake set to baseball video and whatnot. Heres the deal: I see mmaaaaaayybe one team other than the Yankees. Please, guys. There’s more to life than Jeter and Co.
TOP O’ THE THIRD (0-1, Royals):
Harris reaches first on account of a high throw from third. Will this be another “take advantage of errors” night?
BOTTOM O’ THE THIRD (0-1, Royals):
Deltron 3000 makes a nice sliding grab.
Okay, for real – this game better pick up soon.
TOP O’ THE FOURTH (0-1, Royals):
My wish came true: stand-up double care of Mr. Cuddyer.
Apparently Crede’s back has been tightening up on him again, which is why he was pulled shortly before the game. Informative, thy name is Richard Bremer.
AGH, it’s so good to see Little Nicky Punto! Although he popped one up for the third out, stranding Cuddyer.
BOTTOM O’ THE FOURTH (0-1, Royals):
zzz. zZZzzz. zzzzZZzz. zzZZZZZZWHAT? What?? The game is still going? Oh. Okay.
TOP O’ THE FIFTH (0-1, Royals):
I wish I had a pillow. Yawn.
BOTTOM O’ THE FIFTH (0-1, Royals):
WHAT are we doing out there in the field?? Buscher, I’m looking at you.
Ooh, Span and Young, steppin’ on each other’s toes. Maybe the’ll have a battle in the outfield. A battle … ROYALE?! HA HA HA HA OMG I SUCK!
TOP O’ THE SIXTH (0-1, Royals):
Oh, Gardy. The hat’s off … did the ball hit Kubel’s foot? … ANOTHER ump steps in … Gard-dog is majorly worked up … shady, ump. And Gardy’s kicked out.
BOTTOM O’ THE SIXTH (0-1, Royals):
One homer, two homer. I need something to puke in. Blackburn looks like he’s about to cut someone. Oh, he’s not the only one: Morneau looks stabby, too.
TOP O’ THE SEVENTH (0-3, Royals):
I am currently crying tears of blood.
BOTTOM O’ THE SEVENTH (0-3, Royals):
Dickey’s pitching.
Oh, fancy that, another run for the Royals.
On a lighter note, Harris made a sweet play and ended the inning, so … there’s that.
TOP O’ THE EIGHTH - BOTTOM O’ THE NINTH (2-4, Royals):
Really bad baseball happened while I was on the telephone. Well, except for Morneau hitting a two-run homer. A homer in two consecutive games? NOICE. I am from now on calling a Morneau homer a “morneaumer.”
FINAL: 2-4, Royals.
VERDICT:
All aboard the failboat.
EDIT: Apparently, I am receiving my 15 minutes of fame. Or 15 new stalkers … either way:
HEYOOO!
Milwaukee: Algonquin for “TWINS WIN!”
TWINS @ BREWERS
23 JUNE, 7:05 PM
1B: MORNEAU
2B: PUNTO
3B: CREDE
SS: HARRIS
RF: CUDDYER
CF: GOMEZ
LF: YOUNG
C: MAUER
PITCHING:
- LIRIANO
- DICKEY
- GUERRIER
- NATHAN
PRE-GAME:
Twins-Brewer game time is like effing Christmas to me. For the next three nights, I will answer no phone calls nor allow any distraction until I see the final score. Oh wait, that’s like every night now that I moved back in … I’m so very lonely!
I love Ron Coomer, but MAN his head is one giant sphere.
Kubel is still sick, and Span is still out, but Cuddyer is back in business.
I love these tourism commercials for Wyoming and South Dakota, because ther’re like, “LOOK! Out state has stuff to do with your family that is endlessly entertaining!” when really all they have is Mount Rushmore, Yellowstone, and an effing corn palace. (Before you angrily comment about how I’m an ignorant a-hole, remember that I was raised in Montana and rural Minnesota.)
Video of a young Joe Mauer at tee-ball. I was in tee-ball too … I bet he never almost got kicked off the team!*
TOP O’ THE FIRST:
Gomez is first in the order?? Then Harris, then Joeyburns? Oh … alright.
There looks like a ton of Twins fans in the stands behind home. I SHOULD be there.
With the bases loaded, Joe Crede cranked a double, sending in three runners and making me all a-twitter.
BOTTOM O’ THE FIRST (3-0, Twins):
Oooh, Prince Fielder struck out by a slightly struggling Liriano.
JESUS H, Corey “FleshBeard” Hart is 6’6″?!
Oh, God. Bases loaded, Cameron to the plate, and we let two run it in. Waaahhhhgaaaawd! Let’s get the f out of this inning without any further scoring, LIRIANO.
Crede gets the catch, and HOLY GOD HOORAY this inning is over.
TOP O’ THE SECOND (3-2, Twins):
Oh, my. Harris hits a nice one right after Gomez and sends him in for another run. All this with two outs – daaaang.
BOTTOM O’ THE SECOND (4-2, Twins):
Apparently Miller Park got flooded a few days ago? Not too surprising considering the ridiculous amount of storms in the midwest this weekend.
P.S. This is a terribly exciting game – no sarcasm fo’ reals.
AAAGHH! Crede narrowly misses a hit, Young can’t quite get on top of it, and another run for the Brewers. Also, EFFING LIRIANOOOO!
Okay, walks Braun with two outs … here we go, Liriano, up to your same old BS. At least the inning ends with Morneau retiring Fielder. Heaven forbid we PITCH LIKE A MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM WOULD.
TOP O’ THE THIRD (4-3, Twins):
Hardy gets his fourth error of the year, fumbling the ball and letting Crede get to second. I normally would gloat, but please, it was an error and that sucks for any good player.
YOUNG HITS IT JUUUUST DOWN THE LEFT FOUL LINE! Cuddyer scores and Crede moves to third! I am having three simultaneous heart-attacks.
I totally forgot about the NL/AL pitchers batting/designated hitter business in these inter-league games and almost shat when I saw Liriano at the plate. And he bats about as well as he pitches.
TWO more runs or the Twins, care of the illustrious Carlos Gomez!
BOTTOM O’ THE THIRD (7-3, Twins):
Crede gets his second error of the year in a situation much like Hart’s last inning. Aww.
TOP O’ THE FOURTH (7-3, Twins):
Oh. My. Stars. Dick Bremer. At Noah’s Ark. SHIRTLESS. I need an adult!
Suppan drops an almost straight-up pop fly from Morneau. No worries, because Morneau hits a nice one to deep right.
I think the name of this game should be “taking advantage of errors” night.
BOTTOM O’ THE FOURTH (7-3, Twins)
TOP O’ THE FIFTH (7-3, Twins):
Liriano on first – bahahaaa!
BOTTOM O’ THE FIFTH (7-3, Twins)
TOP O’ THE SIXTH (7-3, Twins):
Dicky B: ”Hey, we just had a 1-2-3 inning!”
Berty B: “No way!”
BOTTOM O’ THE SIXTH (7-3, Twins):
R. A. DICKEY UP IN THIS MOTHA-EFFAAAAA! With a 1-2-3 inning, nonetheless.
TOP O’ THE SEVENTH (7-3, Twins)
This is becoming exceedingly uninteresting.
BOTTOM O’ THE SEVENTH (7-3, Twins)
TOP O’ THE EIGHTH (7-3, Twins):
Dickey had been pulled out of the game. Teehee.
Looks like Morales is pinch hitting – well done, since he gets a single, despite looking like he’s still in high school. Adorable!
BOTTOM O’ THE EIGHTH (7-3, Twins):
Guerrier steps in. Note what comes up when you do a Google Image Search for “Guerrier.”
TOP O’ THE NINTH (7-3, Twins)
BOTTOM O’ THE NINTH (7-3, Twins):
Mr. Joe Nathan is on the mound.
And with the strikeout of Cameron, the Twins are victorious over the Brewers tonight. Good, because I was falling asleep.
FINAL: 7-3, Twins
POST-GAME:
AAAAHHH! CARLOS GOMEZ ON CAMERA! He’s better at English than I thought (they never interview him!), and I gotta love that accent. He seems to really be literally and figuratively stepping up to the plate (ho ho ho, how droll, Neubs!), and his enthusiasm and want to show the Twins that he’s worth something shows through.
VERDICT:
Well … errors abounded, which we made and the ones we didn’t, we took advantage of them. Liriano is a problem. Crede and Young had some nice hits. Man, it was exciting at first, but then around the fourth I could barely pay attention. BUT, a win is a win, especially against the Brewers. Love it, and hope we can carry on with the wins against the Crew, because I enjoy talking serious shiz to their fans.
* I tossed a bat at a kid … in the dugout … accidentally.
Freshly squeezed.
ASTROS @ TWINS
1B: MORNEAU
2B: HARRIS
3B: CREDE
SS: PUNTO
RF: CUDDYER
CF: GOMEZ
LF: YOUNG
C: MAUER
PITCHING:
- SLOWEY
- GUERRIER
- MIJARES
- NATHAN
TOP O’ THE THIRD (1-1):
Slowchildreney is on FIYAH tonight.
TOP O’ THE FIFTH (1-1):
Oh my God, Bert has a super-stalker. DON’T CIRCLE HIM, BERT! HE KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE!! Too late; he’s circled. I’d hire some security tonight, Mr. Blyleven.
BOTTOM O’ THE FIFTH (1-1):
Awesome squeeze play by Punto, getting Young to score. Deltron 3000 got himself to the plate reeeeal quick.
BOTTOM O’ THE SIXTH (2-1, Twins):
OHHHH yes: Cuddyer hit one just up the left foul line, bringing in Morneau and loading the bases. It takes a lot to say this, but – I was wrong about you, Cuddyer.
TOP O’ THE SEVENTH (3-1, Twins):
Guerrier takes over for Slowey, who seemed to be having a “medical problem” last inning. Dude let four walks happen; the most since 2007, according to Bert. There’s gotta be some problem.
Ivan Rodriguez looks like a bug. All I gotta say.
TOP O’ THE EIGHTH (3-1, Twins):
Punto’s pants look a little extra snug tonight. Heeeeey.
OH FRICK, IT’S MIJARES! I saw a video of him from fairly recently being sexually harassed by the guys on the team … while dressed like a girl. Man, if I could be a fly on the wall in that locker room … I’d be one pervy fly.
Word on the street, aka what Dicky B just said, is that Nathan may be in here somewhere in the eighth.
Oh, nooooo. Keppinger hit a homer, and now it’s down to just one run.
And look who comes trotting in: my love, Joe Nathan. Second time he’s had to finish the job starting in the eighth. And just like that, he gets the third out.
BOTTOM O’ THE EIGHTH (3-2, Twins):
Your I-wanna-steal-a-base shifty eyes are so funny, Cuddyer. Shift-aaaay.
Crede and Cuddyer score after the outfielder can’t handle Young’s deep hit. Deltron, in the words of James Lipton: you are … a delight.
TOP O’ THE NINTH (5-2, Twins):
Oh, Young. Despite Gomez hopping up for it against the wall, YOU managed to catch that almost-homer. Bless your heart, good sir.
BAM, back up above 500, hoes.
FINAL:
5-2, Twins.
POST-GAME:
Cuddyer gets interviewed and they ask about his mouthpiece and cortisone? Here’s the real issue: you talk out the side of your mouth.
Blond lady to Punto: “Let’s talk about the gorgeous squeeze.” Oh my stars! And blond lady, are you filling in for Marney?
And “suicide squeeze?” That sounds like something a few guys have tried on me at the bars … HEYOOOOO!
VERDICT:
I love Joseph MF’ing Nathan. Also, hooray squeeze play and hooray Punto, Young, and Cuddyer.
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