Results tagged ‘ royals ’
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ROYALS @ TWINS
3rd to last game (or not?)
1B: Cuddyer
2B: Punto
3B: Harris
SS: Cabrera
RF: Kubel
CF: Span
LF: Young
C: Mauer
PITCHING: Manship, Crain, Mahay, Guerrier, Nathan
PRE-GAME:
As of the top of the 4th, the White Sox are ahead of the Tigers, 2-0. YES, PLEASE.
I am gonna miss the Dome. Even before my family ever moved to Minnesota, back when I was just a tadpole, my first memories of this state are of the Metrodome. Wish I could be at that last game.
My dad just ultra-depressed me by saying “I wish Kirby could be here to enjoy all this.” Excuse me, something in my eye …
On a lighter note: MANSHIP???????
TOP OF 1st:
But seriously. Manship? Oh, boy. But at least I can tell him apart form Duensing now: Duensing is pretty good and a looker. Manship is eeuuhhh and has a huge neck.
And with a runner on third and one out, we get a beasty double play. Heyooo.
BOTTOM OF 1st (0-0):
DiNardo pitches to Denard. MY HEAD JUST EXPLODED.
Oh hey, Sox up 3-0. I love you, A.J.!
HAHAH, FAKE SIDEBURNS! I ask for them every Christmas, and apparently no one thinks sideburns are a good gift for a young lady. Squares.
1st and 3rd with one out, and Kubel’s at bat. HITS IT! TWINS SCORE!
Dicky B just called Cuddyer hitting a 3-run homer. Um … no. Walked.
DELMON YOUNG HITS HIS FIRST GRAND SLAM!
I guess Dicky B was off by one batter. So awesome!
TOP OF 2nd (5-0, Twins):
Hilarious, Teahen has “Circle Me Bert” on the wrists of his batting gloves!
7-0, White Sox? Am I in Heaven?
BOTTOM OF 2nd (5-0, Twins):
Commercial break and the Sox score one more.
Um, bases loaded, new Royals pitcher, and they still walk Cuddyer. Well, uhh, whatever you gotta do, guys.
Oh look, another two runs.
TOP OF 3rd (7-0, Twins):
Oh. I forgot there’s a game going on.
BOTTOM OF 3rd (7-0, Twins):
“Just keep winning ballgames and hope you get some help from the White Sox,” says Bert. So far, I’d say we’re doing just that.
1-2-3 inning.
BOTTOM OF 4th (8-0, Twins):
Kubel cranks a huuuuge homer – very deep and very high. Wow.
Sweet Jesus, Delmon drove in 5 of the 8 runs? I guess we have to get Mijares to piss him off more often.
Um, hello Harris. Hits a double of the Stanley sign, drives in Cuddyer. Sexual Harris-ment, FTW!
Another run hit in by De
lmon. I’m pretty sure he’s making up for the suckitude earlier.
Awesome, just awesome.
TOP OF 5th (10-0, Twins):
Oops, KC scores one run. EVERYBODY PANIC!
Oh, and another run. Hope we don’t get careless now.
BOTTOM OF 5th (10-2, Twins):
Eh.
TOP OF 6th (10-2, Twins):
Unfortunately, this game is getting less interesting since we’re pretty much assured a win.
The ‘Ship sets sail into the sunset, hopefully picking up his first Major League win. But OH SNAP, CRAINWRECK?!
Yeah, and he’s choking pretty well. Bases loaded. Oh cool, and two runs scored.
Hahaha, the foul ball landed in this dude’s cup, and he gave a cheers and took a drink.
Oh cool, more runs! 10-5.
And Ma-hay-hey gets the final out. Gross.
BOTTOM OF 6th (10-5, Twins):
At this point I gotta give a shout-out to by partner in crime, J-Schoon, who last weekend drew my attention to why “K” stands for a strikeout. Not so much that, but why there’s backwards K’s and regular K’s. So, three K’s would be rather offensive to a lot of people, so is that why there’s backward ones, we wondered? Nope. Turns out, a friend told J-Pain that a backwards K means caught them looking. DUH.
1-2-3 inning.
TOP OF 7th (10-5, Twins):
I feel weird longing for the innings when Manship was pitching. But now Keppel is in, and so far so good.
BAM, inning over.
BOTTOM OF 7th (10-5, Twins):
WOW, Tolbert with a triple.
But a 1-2-3 inning? WHUH?
TOP OF 8th (10-5, Twins):
Okay, things are unraveling quickly, and they put in Mijares. Yes, that pitcher that fired up Delmon, who was fined $500 for last night, who almost started WWIII: Midwest Edition.
NO WAY. MIJARES HITS THE BATTER. And then almost beans the next. Wow. Just wow. Guerrier is warming up, bases are loaded.
And Mijares gets the first batter out. Cool, because I just had a stroke.
And he lets two go. 10-7, and two on base. Wow.
BOTTOM OF 8th (10-7, Twins):
SO, uhh … this is not what I pictured in the 5th.
The crowd chants “MVP” as Mauer takes the plate. Love it.
1-2-3 inning, though. And J-Nate returns. Please, I already went into cardiac arrest today; no funny business.
TOP OF 9th (10-7, Twins):
2 outs, 0-1 to the batter … 2-2 … 3-2! … and TOLBERT CATCHES IT FTW!
FINAL: 10-7, Twins
VERDICT:
Why must our bullpen constantly give me a vapors? Why must we almost blow a 10-0 lead? Oh well. The point being, WE WON. TIGERS LOST. Love it!
Come together, right now … with Crede?
** BEATLES REFERENCE, IN HONOR OF THE REMASTERS, FTW!! **
Wow, the happenings of the past week. Last post, we won against the White Sox and were 3 1/2 back from the Tigers. Oh, cruel fate …
Well, we dropped down to 7 back from the Tigers after losing – horribly – the next two games. Our losing streak went as follows: one to the Sox, two to the Indians, and one to the Blue Jays yesterday. Since the 1st, we’ve had four wins and four losses. It looked bleak. And then …
I’m going to say something I never thought I’d say: thank you, Kansas City Royals.
The Royals WON TWO IN A ROW against the Tigers the past two nights, taking us to a more manageable 5 1/2 games back. Now I know we should be playing our best, winning games, blah blah … but: anyone who helps us catch up to Detroit, I am more than okay with.
Points to touch on:
- WTF was with the game on Saturday (the 5th) being called the “Fox Game of the Week” and then NOT EVEN BEING SHOWN?
- Our pitching staff is still making me cry tears of blood. Example: Duensing was doing so well yesterday against the Jays, then suddenly completely loses it, and none of the relievers could remedy the awful situation. We had a 3-0 lead until the 5th. And guess what happened next?
But all of that came to a crashing halt in the sixth inning when the Twins pitching suddenly went awry.
Duensing faced three batters and didn’t retire a single one, loading the bases before being replaced by right-hander Jon Rauch.
Rauch had found early success in Minnesota, having not allowed a run in his first four appearances for the Twins, totaling four innings. But on this night, things would not go so well for the newcomer.
Aww.
- But speaking of pitchingfail: the most upsetting one in the past week lies squarely on the shoulders of Joe Nathan. I hate even typing that, but that was some SERIOUS choke. Our 2-0 lead with J-Nate closing became a tie after two back-to-back homers. Then two walks. Then all hell broke loose. Guerrier came in, and, well … let’s just say the game ended 4-2. FROWN.
- “Big Rauch,” or as I like to call him, CockRauch, has been doing fairly well since he came to Minnesota in late August. That dude has some serious tattoo action going on, no joke. Our 6’11″ beast of a reliever can be a sad sack of terrible sometimes, but I think he’ll be good for the Twins, even if it’s just the intimidation factor to the batter. Also, apparently Rauch makes Gard-Dog say some pretty awesome things:
“He’s big,” manager Ron Gardenhire said. “Really, really big.”
Hahaha. Right.
- Morneau finally broke his streak of sucking tonight, hitting a homer off of the apparently impossible to beat Halladay. Well, we beat him. It was 51 at-bats since our Canadian Wonder hit a home run, bringing the count up to 30 on the year. I think SOMEONE had a plate of poutine before the game …
- I have to ask: If I make inappropriate, off-color comments to Brendan Harris, does that make it “Sexual Harrisment?”
- My babycakes Joe Crede still is MIA, but word is that he’s doing better. I am seriously going to have a funeral for my Crede shirt if this is how his career with the Twinsies ends. Supposedly, like I said last week, retirement is not in his future. But after reading this article, I need a hug. Or a martini. Such a bummer.
That’s all I got. Our last game in my fave city Toronto is tomorrow, and hopefully we can walk away with a third win and take the series. And by “hopefully we can” I mean “WE BETTER OR I’M BECOMING A FRICKIN’ TIGERS FAN.” And I really don’t want to do that.
Several things.
Several things:
ONE:
Black is white, up is down, Mauer is weak sauce and Cuddyer makes Twins history by hitting TWO homers in ONE inning. TWO … PLUS ONE … MATH!!!!
All I know is that Cuddyer is up there with Kubel, Mauer, and Morneau with the most home-runs this season, and that is FRICKING SHOCKING:
Of course, the Twins got all the power they needed from Cuddyer, who became the first player in Twins history to hit two home runs in the same inning. Cuddyer, doing his best Morneau impersonation, hit his two long balls in the seventh — two deep bookends in an eight-run inning.
The first — a first-pitch solo shot off Royals starter Brian Bannister — gave the Twins a 2-1 lead.
The second — a two-run, 427-foot blast over the fountains in left — came off reliever Kyle Farnsworth and stretched the Twins‘ lead to 9-1.
TWO:
We won again today? 10-3?? Um, excuse me, the first sweep/series win since July? Two more wins and we’ll be back to .500 (pathetic); we are currently still in 3rd in the AL Central and only 4 1/2 games back from the first-place Tigers (less pathetic than recently).
But hey, sweeping the Royals was just what we needed, even though it’s about as admirable and difficult as beating up a toddler. Not that I condone that; they’re quick little guys!
THREE:
Crede, Liriano, and Morneau are all banged up in some way, causing Crede to sit out today’s game and Morneau continuing his break since the 17th due to an inner-ear infection. Gardenhire says he may be back for the upcoming series against the Orioles on Monday. And Liriano, out for a while with a “tired arm,” could be replaced by none other than …
BOOF! BONSER!
Twins manager Ron Gardenhire said Sunday that injured pitcher Francisco Liriano could be out longer than 15 days, but — and here’s the good news — starter Boof Bonser could possibly return to the Twins‘ staff in September.
Bonser, who had surgery in April to repair a torn labrum and rotator cuff in his right shoulder, is rehabbing in Florida and progressing rather quickly, Gardenhire said.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOF!
FOUR:
Man, I’m happy we’ve won 5 of our last 7 games. SERIOUSLY. Minnesota Twins cominatcha, Orioles!
Royal flush.
1B: Cuddyer (!)
2B: Casilla
3B: Crede
SS: Cabrera
RF: Span
CF: Gomez
LF: Young
C: Mauer
PITCHING:
- Blackburn
- Guerrier
- Mijares
- Nathan
PRE-GAME:
Morneau is still out with an inner-ear infection. When he first left the game the other day, I told someone it was “acute maple-syrup poisoning.” AND THEY BELIEVED ME.
EEE! Kubel talking with Dicky B! You know … he’s kind of a robot. Just once I’d like to see him smile or laugh or joke or … well, make any sort of movement with his face.
Dude … those wings look GOOD.
OMG – Ron Coomer is filling in for my Bert this weekend?? NOOOOOOOOOO!
Gratuitous Crede shot! YESSSSSSS!
David “The Jesus” DeJesus - we meet again. Along with Chone Figgins, he has one of my favorite names in baseball. Coco Crisp doesn’t count, because he sounds like a cereal.
TOP O’ THE FIRST:
“So you’re saying it was hot [in Texas?]” Yes, Ron. It’s hot there. Hot like their pitchers … specifically that hot slice Mr. Wilson. It was weird watching him pitch to us because I wanted the Twins to win, but at the same time I wanted C.J. to take his shirt off. A mix of emotions.
And we do nothing. Boo.
BOTTOM O’ THE FIRST (0-0):
Hooooly crap – 2 outs, Butler with 1-2 count, and he slams one into the stands. Oh, Blackburn. And the walks the next guy. And then Callaspo (Collapse-O) gets a single. WITH TWO OUTS. AAAAAGH!!!
And we leave two on, at least.
TOP O’ THE SECOND (1-0, Royals):
Umm, weirdo in bright green in the crowd? Like, covered head to foot in a bright green body-sock. And Dicky B says, “I hope that isn’t a Minnesotan.” Honestly … it probably was.
Aw, and Cuddyer hits into a double play. SAVE US, JOE CREDE! And he doesn’t.
BOTTOM O’ THE SECOND (1-0, Royals):
Oh weird, 1-2-3 inning for Blackie.
TOP O’ THE THIRD (1-0, Royals):
God, Gomez is such a spaz. A lovable spaz.
Good Lord, those 1979 Pirates uniforms were absolutely heinous. And a young Blyleven. Awww.
And we’re terrible, the end.
BOTTOM O’ THE THIRD (1-0, Royals):
ARE YOU EFFING SERIOUS? ANOTHER HOME RUN?? I’m already sooooo annoyed with our pitching. I feel like we have all these great players, and then we’re losing all these games because our pitching staff is completely inept. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?? We were great in June, and then in late July we just start choking over and over.
Blackburn gets nailed by the ball. By all means, take him out. Oh wait, then he’d just be replaced by another joke of a pitcher. FROWN.
Oh, CUDDYER! A bad throw to third and another run is scored. Now is one of those times I wish these blogs weren’t edited, because there would be a healthy string of expletives. Ugh.
TOP O’ THE FOURTH (3-0, Royals):
I have a bad feeling about tonight’s game. Our batting is not looking too nice right now. COME ON, BOYS, PRETEND YOU’RE PLAYING THE WHITE SOX/BREWERS!
And The Jesus catchers Mauer’s attempt. Boooo.
BOTTOM O’ THE FOURTH (3-0, Royals):
Blackie hits ‘em with the slider. Do that again. And again. Please.
TOP O’ THE FIFTH (3-0, Royals):
I forgot I was still watching this game. Apparently we still suck.
BOTTOM O’ THE FIFTH (3-0, Royals):
Here’s a fun fact: Kansas City is called “The City of Fountains.” Another fun fact: I don’t care about fountains.
Ahaha, the Aflac duck scared the bajeesus out of Ron. It’s okay, Coom, it terrifies me too.
Oh hey, 1-2-3 inning.
TOP O’ THE SIXTH (3-0, Royals):
OOohhh, Gomez gets a one-out single. I know that’s sad to be excited about, but um … I’m a Twins fan, so really we take anything we can get.
Bad throw and Gomez gets to third. YES.
Casilla (!) gets a nasty double down the right field line, bringing in Gomez. Um, FINALLY. Only one out, too. And he steals third!
And heeeeeere’s Denard! Hit into the right field corner, Casilla runs it in, the outfielder fumbles with the ball like a teenager at their first make-out party, and Span runs in! TIIIIIIIED!
Oh, that poor outfielder. I mean, YAY, good work on sucking and helping us score, but that’s a bummer. I bet he feels super dumb.
Oh funny, a “Let’s go, Mauer” chant is clearly audible in Kaufman, answered by a “Let’s go Royals” chant. Don’t be stupid, Royals fans, you can’t drown out Mauer’s awesomeness. Cranks a nice one to right for a single.
Kuuuuuu-beellllll!! Aw sad, pop fly ends the inning.
I love these 6th-inning rallies we seem to get going lately. Keep that up, sirs.
BOTTOM O’ THE SIXTH (3-All):
Holy crap. Suddenly Blackburn is a strike-machine.
And this Mauer-Nathan commercial really warms my heart. I love how my future mother-in-law makes an appearance. One day, Joe, you will be mine.
TOP O’ THE SEVENTH (3-All):
1-2-3. Aw.
BOTTOM O’ THE SEVENTH (3-All):
Guerrierieirerrr and Mijares are warming up. HOLY MOSES, Mijares had an amazing night the other night against the Rangers. I was totally shocked, after pretty much writing him off.
Blackburn ends the 7th well. Wow, didn’t expect that.
TOP O’ THE EIGHTH (3-All):
Gomez hits to center, leading off. Sac-bunt from Casilla gets him to second base. Span bats him in with a double! WHAT’S UP NOW, KC??
Span on second … I think it’s time for some Mauer Pauer. Oh, just kidding, the Royals are scared and intentionally walk him. And then Kubel is thrown out. Awww.
BOTTOM O’ THE EIGHTH (3-4, Twins):
Oh Jeez, Guerrier is in. Oh, I guess not for long. Heeeeeere’s Mijares.
Oh cute, Mijares gave the guys on the team a cigar because he just had a baby! Adorable, because he didn’t know the tradition of the have a baby, get a cigar thing and Gardy had to explain it to him. Oh, Venezuelans, will you ever learn?
Ha ha, Bloomquist, caught you stealing!
TOP O’ THE NINTH (3-4, Twins):
AHHHHHH JOE NATHAN WARMING UP!!
Jesus, Crede, you’ve been kinda blah lately.
Well, since we have a one-run lead, I hope Mr. Nathan can hold it down. The Twins losing? To the Royals? It’s more likely than you think.
BOTTOM O’ THE NINTH (3-4, Twins):
J-NATE!
And there’s these little hooligans at the game, probably 8 years old, shirtless and screeching. Look, future frat boys!
We really need to clone Nathan to form a new pitching staff. Yo, science: help us out. Also, another fun fact: J-Nate is on Twitter!
Frick. Full count, aaaaand … HOME RUN? TIE GAME??!
OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD, ALMOST ANOTHER HOMER … AHHHHHHHHHH! Oh, Nathan, save the game – please!
My God – on to the 10th …
TOP O’ THE TENTH (4-All):
Poop. This game was in the bag, and now look at us. BUT WE CAN’T LOSE!
Crain warming up, are you serious? Ugh.
Nice hit, Casilla. I love ‘Lexi.
Cabrera: now would be the time to get a really good hit. OMG OMG OMG BLOOMQUIST FUMBLES AGAIN! ALEXI SCORES! CABRERA ON THIRD! Psh, of course they intentionally walk Mauer, and the crowd boos. Twins on the corners, and Kubel is up.
Dear Jason Kubel, I like you. I really do. But now’s the time to make it rain. So do it, please. Your Pal, Alicia.
Agh, a good little hit, but Padre Orlando can’t score as Kubel is thrown out at first.
Nathan’s still pitching?! MONEEEEEEEY!
BOTTOM O’ THE TENTH (5-4, Twins):
One quick out. I’m scared. I tried counting how many times Nathan does the little horse-puff thing when he’s about to throw, but I lost count at like 15.
Chokequist is up. Booooooo!
C’mon, J-Nate, just two more outs and we can end this epic battle, which I don’t know why in the first place we are seriously battling the ROYALS.
Double play, please? Or a pop fly for the second out. EEEEEEE!
46 pitches for Nathan, and Crain is all warmed up – but Nathan wants to do it. Cute!
Last strike … aaaaand … several more fouls … AND SPAN CATCHES IT! GAME OVERRRR!
FINAL:
5-4, Twins – 10 frickin’ innings!
POST-GAME:
Cabrera talks to Ian or whatever that guy’s name is (I call him Little LaPanta). I love Padre Orlando. Nice job on that triple.
Okay, and EW with that bug on Ron’s mic … !
Denard!
VERDICT:
Well, let’s see: Blackburn was terrible at first, then a little wobbly, then pulled it together. Cabrera, Casilla, and Span did some good leg-work, and even though we won, I think we can mostly attribute that to some terrible fielding by the Royals (ahem, BLOOMQUIST). But Joe Nathan: you are amazing. Scary, though, that he couldn’t pull off that save in the 9th, but at least he took care of it an inning later. So, uhh, way to almost get beat by the Royals, boys …
Bleeding Kansas (City).
Forecast for today’s game: partly sucky with a 75% chance of frown.
Carry on, my wayward son.
Well now, looks like the Twins got their affairs
in order last night to win 2-1 against the Royals. “2 to
1,” you may point out, “that’s like the saddest score ever.”
Well at this point, a win is a win, especially against the Royals, who I still have
no idea why we lost to in the first place. They’re at least 9 games
behind the Tigers, and we’re something like 4 behind.
Anyway, the funny part is even the Twins website recognizes
how we hardly won with this awesome headline: “Twins find just enough
offense in win.“ HAHAH. Just enough to beat a terrible
team. Oh well, at least it looks
like Justin Morneau is back in the business of home runs:
Justin
Morneau hit a
426-foot solo home run on a 2-2 pitch from Bannister that splashed into the top level of
fountains in right-center field in the fourth inning. Morneau’s 19th homer of the season knotted the
game at 1 and erased Baker’s early damage in the contest.
…
Morneau, who before Sunday had not hit a
homer since June 9, has homered in three straight games. It’s the first time
he’s done that since May 3-8, 2005, when he went deep in four straight
contests.
Three in a row? I’m
very much okay with three games, three Morneaumers. Hopefully he can get a fourth in the
game that’s currently happening today.
Speaking of which, checking in:
TOP OF 6th (3-0, Twins):
In the 2nd, Cuddyer was able to crank
his 14th homer, bringing us ahead 1-0.
In the 3rd, Crede reaches on an error
by the Royals and Mauer runs another one in.
And in this inning, Mauer hits a single to get Gomez in, making the
score 3-0.
I’d love to actually be watching THIS game, as opposed to the
last two sad ones, but instead it’s the radio for me. I heard a commercial with Joe Nathan for Kemps, in which
he said he likes to down chocolate milk after a game to keep him strong. Right.
And KC scores, thanks to DeJesus running one
in. That is the best last name
ever, but only if you pronounce it the English way.
The Royals have two errors this game; the Twins have 30-something
errors this year, which is actually 47 LESS than the Royals.
BOTTOM OF 6th (3-1, Twins):
I’m totally bummed that I don’t get to actually watch this game,
because the Twins have a day off tomorrow and my life has no meaning without live
baseball. I’m kidding of course …
or AM I?
TOP OF 7th (3-1, Twins):
Quick 1-2-3 inning for Cuddyer, Crede, and Morales.
BOTTOM OF 7th (3-1, Twins):
Oh, Jesus: Harris replaces Punto at shortstop, and Buscher replaces Morneau at first. FOR SERIOUSLY? Why don’t you just go grab someone out
of the crowd to play first?
Although that switch happened, Harris and Buscher manage to get DeJesus (“THE JESUS!”) for
the third out.
TOP OF 8th (3-1, Twins):
WHOA WHOA WHOA. Redmond, apparently, left
the game with an injured hand/wrist; Punto left with an injured back; and Morneau left on account of
his groin. This is REALLY bad.
Span gets a single, and then steals a base. Oh look, and Tolbert gets a double
after that … aaaand Span scores. 4-1!
Mauer is intentionally walked. That would be truly annoying, to go up to bat and be like,
“welp, guess I won’t try …” And Bale replaces Tejada.
Bases loaded and Cuddy’s up … and he’s walked?! And Tolbert scores.
BOTTOM OF 8th (5-1, Twins):
Dickey replaces Perkins. Knuckleballin’, yo.
And nothing exciting happens, BYE.
TOP OF 9th (5-1, Twins):
And all our batters strike out and totally suck. I have this feeling we may win, though …
BOTTOM OF 9th (5-1, Twins):
Two outs and a walk, first and second occupied, aaaand … Joe Nathan swoops in??
Nathan versus The Jesus … 2-2, and then five fouls in a row.
10 pitches later, Nathan strikes out TheJesus, and the Twins win.
Better game than the last two; we take the series and are TWO games above 500 – finally! A day off before the boys take on the Tigers at the ‘Dome. Peace out, Kansas City!
Dust in the wind.
Hey. Hey, you. Think you can name every MLB team in a minute? Well, Dr.
Overly-Confident, try this on for size. My personal
best is a solid, like, 12 because I type like someone who’s never seen a
keyboard before. Also, they don’t take answers like “A’s” or
“D-Backs” or “I hate the White Sox.”
So, that game last night … not something I want to see ever
again. We’d been doing so well (except for that game against the Brewers, agh!) as of late,
and it was good t get some wins on the road. What went wrong? Well,
plenty of things were to blame, such as …
Fielding:
In their return to American League play, the Twins offense went silent
and the club’s defense was what manager Ron Gardenhire called
“sloppy” as they suffered a 4-2 loss to the Royals in the series
opener at Kauffman Stadium.
“We’ve
been playing pretty good and we just had a clunker tonight defensively where we
just didn’t make enough plays out there,” Gardenhire said.
The Royal’s pitcher, Hochevar:
“But, I think more than anything, we got shut down
by a young man who threw the ball really, really well against us.” [Gardy said]
Trying
yet again to move two games over the .500 mark — something they have yet to do
this season — the Twins saw their attempt foiled by Royals right-hander Luke Hochevar as they fell back to 39-39 on the
season.
Hochevar held the club scoreless for seven
innings, limiting it to just two hits over that span.
And Blackburn:
Blackburn (6-4) was able to hold it at that
mark until the sixth inning, even pitching out of a bases-loaded situation in
the fifth. But he started the sixth by giving up back-to-back solo home runs to
Albert Callaspo
and Miguel Olivo,
allowing Kansas City
to take a three-run lead.
“I
was a little off early. My mechanics didn’t feel great but I felt like I made a
pretty good adjustment late,” Blackburn said. “The two home runs were
just bad pitches. I don’t blame it on anything but missed spots. Our pitch
selection was good, I just failed to execute two pitches.”
So gross. But, along with the
bad – the very, very, very … VERY bad – a glorious two-run “morneaumer” (see what I
did there?? EHH??) was able to cut the Royals‘ lead in half:
Justin
Morneau hit a
two-run homer off left-hander John Bale in the eighth to pull the club within two, but by that
time it was just too little, too late.
I like how whoever wrote that article had to put everything in
the most depressing way possible. The term “too little, too
late” is something you use when describing a marriage failing.
Anyway, like Gardy said, our defense is slop-tacular. I couldn’t even handle how badly we caught, threw, missed opportunities for outs, etc.
And although I was trying to make peace with Buscher and his shenanigans, I just can’t. He was TRULY awful last night. Crede, fix that back of yours, stat.
Also, WTF Delmon and Denard?? You were doing the Texas Two-Step out there, practically knocking each other out of the way to nab any fly ball. I mean there’s one thing to backup the catch just in case, but WHOA. No more stepping on each other’s toes, literally.
And Cuddyer’s error? AY! Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that was his first of the year last night. So what’s the deal with our outfielders? Would Gomez or Kubel have helped the situation any more? This guy seems to think he has the answer, and I agree except for the Young being the DH thing. That’s just … scary.
On to the game tonight, 7:10 in KC. Hopefully we won’t be total jokes out there again.
Royally Screwed.
1B: MORNEAU
2B: PUNTO (!)
3B: BUSCHER
SS: HARRIS
RF: CUDDYER
CF: SPAN
LF: YOUNG
C: MAUER
PITCHING:
- BLACKBURN
PRE-GAME:
Oh, Denard. You are awesome on camera.
Also, any blog title about the KC Royals from this point on will be a Kansas lyric … because really, there’s only that one song about Kansas City and I already used it. And Kansas (the band) is sweet. Excuse me, I’m going to go hop in my Camero and grow a mullet now …
TOP O’ THE FIRST:
Morneau looks huge in this camera angle. I mean, he’s tall, but like ESPECIALLY gigantic tonight. Could be the wacky angle, like I said. Or maybe he and his brother Luigi found a mushroom or two while scaling pipes, saving princesses, and killing turtles … I’ll stop now.
Ooh, that was an un-productive at-bat for the Twins. Ouch.
BOTTOM O’ THE FIRST (0-0):
Um excuse me, WTF? Where’s Crede? Buscher on 3rd? Okay, actually, I’ve talked some bad noise about Buscher, when really he’s not an awful player. That homer a week or two ago shut me up REAL fast.
And the first non-eventful inning goes by.
TOP O’ THE SECOND (0-0):
An anagram for “Delmon Young” is “Demon lung, yo!” I don’t know what that has to do with anything, but I think it’s pretty awesome. I also looked up “Nick Punto” but the results are a bit dirty … observe.
BOTTOM O’ THE SECOND (0-0):
Lookin’ fly, Blackburn.
There are some absolutely LOUD fans behind home plate. Or at least near a mike.
OH SNAP. One run scored because of an awful error by Cuddyer. The ball gets past Morneau, Cuddy nabs it and chucks it to an imaginary fourth outfielder in extreme left field. Bummer. It’s okay Cuddy, just don’t do it again or have fun in the minors!
I hate this Pepsi commercial with the “Forever Young” song remake set to baseball video and whatnot. Heres the deal: I see mmaaaaaayybe one team other than the Yankees. Please, guys. There’s more to life than Jeter and Co.
TOP O’ THE THIRD (0-1, Royals):
Harris reaches first on account of a high throw from third. Will this be another “take advantage of errors” night?
BOTTOM O’ THE THIRD (0-1, Royals):
Deltron 3000 makes a nice sliding grab.
Okay, for real – this game better pick up soon.
TOP O’ THE FOURTH (0-1, Royals):
My wish came true: stand-up double care of Mr. Cuddyer.
Apparently Crede’s back has been tightening up on him again, which is why he was pulled shortly before the game. Informative, thy name is Richard Bremer.
AGH, it’s so good to see Little Nicky Punto! Although he popped one up for the third out, stranding Cuddyer.
BOTTOM O’ THE FOURTH (0-1, Royals):
zzz. zZZzzz. zzzzZZzz. zzZZZZZZWHAT? What?? The game is still going? Oh. Okay.
TOP O’ THE FIFTH (0-1, Royals):
I wish I had a pillow. Yawn.
BOTTOM O’ THE FIFTH (0-1, Royals):
WHAT are we doing out there in the field?? Buscher, I’m looking at you.
Ooh, Span and Young, steppin’ on each other’s toes. Maybe the’ll have a battle in the outfield. A battle … ROYALE?! HA HA HA HA OMG I SUCK!
TOP O’ THE SIXTH (0-1, Royals):
Oh, Gardy. The hat’s off … did the ball hit Kubel’s foot? … ANOTHER ump steps in … Gard-dog is majorly worked up … shady, ump. And Gardy’s kicked out.
BOTTOM O’ THE SIXTH (0-1, Royals):
One homer, two homer. I need something to puke in. Blackburn looks like he’s about to cut someone. Oh, he’s not the only one: Morneau looks stabby, too.
TOP O’ THE SEVENTH (0-3, Royals):
I am currently crying tears of blood.
BOTTOM O’ THE SEVENTH (0-3, Royals):
Dickey’s pitching.
Oh, fancy that, another run for the Royals.
On a lighter note, Harris made a sweet play and ended the inning, so … there’s that.
TOP O’ THE EIGHTH - BOTTOM O’ THE NINTH (2-4, Royals):
Really bad baseball happened while I was on the telephone. Well, except for Morneau hitting a two-run homer. A homer in two consecutive games? NOICE. I am from now on calling a Morneau homer a “morneaumer.”
FINAL: 2-4, Royals.
VERDICT:
All aboard the failboat.
EDIT: Apparently, I am receiving my 15 minutes of fame. Or 15 new stalkers … either way:
HEYOOO!
Goin’ to Kansas City …
I took a vacay away from blogging this weekend in favor of supporting my gay brothers and sisters at Pride in Minneapolis this weekend. Oh, and binge drinking. So, do baseball and gays mix? Judging by the plethora of Twins shirts I saw at the parade, this straight girl would say … YES.
With a runner at second, no outs, and the Twins leading by two,Pujols stepped to the plate against Nathan as the potential tying run. He led the Major Leagues in home runs and RBIs, and the two hitters hitting behind him — Ryan Ludwick and Rick Ankiel — were hitting .226 and .240, respectively. … So, arguably the game’s greatest hitter stepped into the box at a sold out Busch Stadium on Friday night with a chance to tie the game and Nathan and the Twins went right after him. … After Pujols laid off a slider in the dirt to even the count at 2-2,Nathan threw one of the nastiest sliders of his career to get the two-time MVP swinging for the first out. “That’s about as good as I can throw it,” Nathan said. “If he didn’t swing at that one, I would have just tipped my cap and said ‘Wow.’” With the hard part out of the way, Nathan then coaxed a groundout from Ludwick and struck out Ankiel to preserve the third win of the year for starter Glen Perkins. “I loved it,” Perkins said. “That was awesome. One of the best pitchers against one of the best hitters and that’s the kind of stuff we like to see. … “That was nasty,” Gardenhire said. “That ball fell off the table. That was a really nasty slider.”
What a BEAST. So great that we got Pujols that game, because OH DON’T WORRY, he managed to take us over his knee and spank us the next game … Saturday: Lost, 5-3. Probably because Pujols is actually a cyborg from the future, designed to hit multiple home runs in a game and make Minnesota Twins fans cry and wish they were Cardinals fans:
Kevin Slowey finally found out what the rest of the National League has known for a while: Albert Pujols is pretty darn good. “He’s very special,” Slowey said. “He’s great for the game of baseball. He’s a tremendous hitter and a tremendous athlete. From everything I’ve heard, he’s a tremendous person, too. It doesn’t make it any easier to give up a couple home runs to him, but he’s very good.” The slugger hit a pair of two-run homers off Slowey in his first two at-bats as the Twins fell to the Cardinals, 5-3, on a hot and muggy Saturday afternoon at Busch Stadium.
My farvorite sentence of that selection from the article is ‘”He’s very special,” Slowey said.’ Teehee, special! Slow(ey)! I am also quite possibly a moron. But, the Twins weren’t the only thing to fall at Busch Stadium this weekend (I may or may not be going to Hell for that sentence):
The fan, identified by a friend as Chris Hoffman of O’Fallon, Ill., was seated in the front row of section 454 when he apparently passed out during
WHEW, at least he fell on Cardinals fans … Sorry, I’m truly awful. And yesterday, Sunday: Won, 6-2. Twins fans out there can send their thank you cards to Liriano and Morneau for that:
The Twins lefty looked like a different pitcher against theCardinals, pounding the strike zone and giving up two runs in seven innings to pick up his fourth win of the season as Minnesota took the series from St. Louis with a 6-2 win. … The Twins lefty had a 3-0 lead befor
Good stuff. Up against Kansas City and their Royals tonight. I really like the Royals logo … it’s very olds-chool. I’ve been through KC twice. Well actually Kansas City, Missouri. Kansas is such an awful place, its city moved to a neighboring state! I’m kidding of course, unless you realize I actually hate Kansas – then I’m not. Anyway, big ups to the boys for playing great this weekend, that Cardinals fan for diving off into the stands, and my main man Blackburn in hopes he’ll do well tonight.
the National Anthem and fell over the railing. Hoffman landed on two Cardinals fans seated in section 354, about 10-12 feet below, who were unharmed but visibly shaken.
e he even took the mound thanks to a three-run blast off the bat of Justin Morneau. With runners at first and third, Morneau took a 2-2 fastball from the Cardinals‘ Joel Pineiro and belted it 432 feet, well into the right-field seats.
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